I went wrong
by dat bocchan
Summary: Ciel and Sebastian fic obviously. It'll be gay sex and bad launguge in it (just warning I guess) though it will be in some later chapters (the sex). Morden AU.
1. The party

"You little shit!" Ciel sighed and watched as the two loud drunk men had started a fight over a unknown subject. He just wanted to get away from loud people and relax, but as smart as the seventeen year old boy was he went to the bar on a Saturday night. A loud smack sounded in the bar and now one of the men was on the floor with a bleeding lip. The bartender had called the police a good five minutes ago so they would be here any minute. He sipped from his drink and leaned back in his seat. Two police men came in and began to talk to the men before taking them out from the bar not to disturb the others who actually _tried_ to have a good time.

It was some minutes over eleven and most people had gone home with our without someone to hook up with. All of them drunk. A woman that looked about twenty tried to flirt with him, obviously trying to get laid. But he had rejected her and told her to go try with a guy who actually was drunk enough to go home with her. He was to tired, pissed and annoyed to even talk to anyone. Yet another good thing to go to a bar when you feel like snap anyone's neck as fast they talk to you. But Ciel just hoped they would ignore him when he sat in the back.

He stood up and walked out the doors to get home. He had had enough of socializing today. Well at least as close he would get to it. It was dark and cold outside and he only wore a long sleeved shirt. He wished he could have taken his car here and then drive home, but he had been drinking and had to take the subway or walk. He knew he was still one year to drink but he still did it and the bartender never asked how old he was due Alois nearly always was with him and he was eighteen so he presumed he was as well, he smoked as well. He paid his friend to buy them for him, he was eighteen and they had known each other for maybe two years now. It was nice to have him there, and not only for the addicting cigarettes he knew was really bad for his asthma. The streets was empty and pulled out a package for his beloved cigarettes and opened it to see one was left he sighed in relief that there was one and he took it between his lips as he stopped to pull out the lighter and give it life. He threw the now empty package to the side and continued to walk, taking deep breaths, letting the smoke fill his lungs before escaping through his mouth.

Nothing was as good as come home and close the outside world away by take a long shower at one am. Ciel often did, now when he had moved away from his family he didn't need to bother to be sneaky and be quiet as he came home late or was up until six in the morning. His father didn't force him to wear pants as well. He went to bed after the steaming shower and fell asleep fast.

In the morning Ciel would have loved to sleep longer but the damn ambulance woke him up at nine. He didn't have anything planned today, nothing more than go to the grocery store to refill his empty fridge. His parents paid for his house, car and food, stuff that parents do pay for, even though he lived alone. So he got money twice a month to get food, he always saved half of it for things like clothes or cigarette money.

_Might as well get going while I'm awake._

He got up and took off his shirt he slept in and took a new pair of boxers. After came some washed out grey jeans, a black v-necked t-shirt and a jacket. He took his wallet, phone and keys before heading down to the store. Of course he took his car and made his way away from his house with still messy hair though. He hadn't bothered to fix it, not remembered either. It was a fast trip and he soon stopped his car in the parking lot and got out, locked his car and walked up to the store. It was just a few people there that was getting stuff. He gave out a sigh and took a shopping basket before scanning the store for what he needed. Most important was cereal, milk, pasta and juice. The rest would just be stuff he thought looked good and actual food, like meat.

He started to fill the basket with his food, shopping wasn't directly something he liked to do, he had to do it. When he spotted his favorite juice wasn't there he frowned and went for something that would do. More people had begun to fill the store and when he was at the part where they had pasta he saw a familiar face next to him. His eyes widened when his brain had started to work and could give the man a name and a reason _why_ he recognized him. It was Sebastian, Sebastian Michaelis. The guy that his friend Alois had hooked up with a lot last year before they 'broke up' because they both started to get tired of each other. He soon continued with his shopping and got his damn pasta when he.

"Shit…."

He mumbled and clenched his fists. It was his last package of cigarettes yesterday and he _needed _new. He had a faint memory Sebastian had bought it for him once when Alois didn't have his identification with him. Should he? No. Just ask Alois to buy for you tomorrow. Though he kind of wanted to smoke now. He stood at the magazines ready to check out while he decided if he should ask or not.

_Oh fuck it, just go to the damn check out already!_

He shook his head and went to pay for his food. He got the bags and made his way back to the car when a voice started to yell after him. Well he assumed it was him.

"Hey you! Kid, you forgot your coffee."

His eyes narrowed as he said 'kid', people always thought that he was fifteen or younger when they saw him. He turned around to face the tall black haired man also known as Sebastian. He handed him the coffee with a smile.

"Don't fucking call me kid. I'm seventeen."

He hissed and looked up at the elder. He was nineteen, Alois had told him he was one year older than him. Though next to him he really looked like he was about fifteen.

"Okay, wow. I'm sor-"

He stared down at the younger and a smile was spread across his flawless pale face.

"Ciel?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, It's been like years."

"Yeah, I guess. Was that all or?"

"No no. Just nice to see you dude."

Ciel rolled his eyes and walked out to his car to get home again. He did consider to ask if he could buy him cigarettes but it might be too late now so he just put the grocery bags in the back and got back home as fast as the speed limits let him.

He had planned to stay home the rest of the day and he was going to follow that plan. How boring it might be. But he got food and internet so how bad could it really be. He didn't do much on the computer though and he didn't today either. He just sat or laid down in the sofa and groaned in boredom. Staying home maybe wasn't that great. He picked up his phone and called Alois.

"…the fuck man. It's like one pm."

"Yeah so? Wanna hang out or somethin'. I need new cigarettes."

"Ugh, fine. Where."

"eeh.. the mall."

"Right. Give me like ten minutes and I'm there."

Alois lived maybe five minutes from there and obviously he was going to shower. Ciel didn't live as close as him so he better get going if he was going to get there in time.

He sat on a bench inside as he waited for his friend to come there, as expected he had taken more than ten minutes. But soon he spotted the familiar blonde running towards him.

"Hey Ciel."

"Hi. Let's go and buy some damn cigarettes."

Alois chuckled at how eager Ciel was to get new.

"All gone already?"

"Well obviously!"

"Hah! Well then let's get you some more."

They took their way to the same place they always went to get it, at least when they were at the mall. It was a small store that had candy, magazines and of course what they were looking for. Ciel gave him money for three packages so he didn't have to ask him for at least a week. The blonde bought one for himself as well. He handed the three to him and he shoved them down in his bag he had with him. Actually they hadn't anything to do and shopping wasn't a option, they both hated it. Alois had invited him to a party that was next Friday and told him he should go. Ciel wasn't a party person, but like all parties in high school, there was going to be drugs and alcohol. Sometimes he enjoyed getting high or drunk and forget everything else around him. Though it wasn't that often.

The two eventually walked out to smoke and continued their little conversation there. It was a relief as ever and he sighed with a smile.

"So want me to pick you up at ten to the party?"

"It's not a fucking date Ciel. Don't say 'pick up'."

"Fine, but are you up for it?"

"Well yeah I don't got a car as you might know."

"If you want me to continue driving your ass to places to live with me saying 'I'll pick you up'!"

"Fine whatever."

The rest of their little smoking session was quiet, only some coughs from Ciel who could feel his asthma a bit now when it was cold and he smoked. Though he didn't stop until he was finished.

The day to come was Monday and like always it was hard to get up and into the shower. He let the water run for a minute first so that it got steamy and hot, after that he stepped in and let it cover his skin. He scrubbed his skin clean with soap and stepped out. He put on some light blue jeans that was a bit worn out, a black v-neck and a his grey jacket. He packed his bag with his school books and got out to his car.

He was already late when he parked his car and ran up to his first class, English.

_Fucking shit I forgot my homework in the car!_

He turned around and ran into someone's chest. He let out a 'humpf' and fell down to the floor.

"Hey watch it!"

He yelled and got up as fast as he could, he didn't want to get into a fight or come later.

"Why are you always south a bitch when I run into you."

"Fuck it. Sebastian look I'm late to my class."

"I don't mind."

"Of course you don't _fucking mind _you don't even go here anymore!"

"I know, I'm here to visit a friend for information."

"Oh then go talk to your friend and not me."

Ciel made his way around Sebastian and got down to his car, picked up the forgotten homework and ran back up.

_That guy annoys me so damn much._

Thanks to Sebastian Ciel came twenty minutes late to class, well he blamed the other for distracting him on his way. If he ever saw him again he was going to slap that bitch.

This week had been long and finally it was time for that party Alois invited him to. It was nine a clock and he was going to go in one and a half hour so he had to get ready. He didn't take a shower and just changed his clothes into black skinny jeans and a long sleeved dark blue and grey striped shirt. He had fixed his hair so it looked nice and not all messy as from today. He looked at the clock and made his way to his friends house.

Alois was outside his apartment when Ciel came there. He was slightly shaking of the coldness and he was wearing skinny jeans as well, but his was dark grey and a black t-shirt, no jacket. No wonder he was shivering all over. As fast as the car had stopped He threw the door open and jumped in, and closed the door to not let in the cold air.

"You could have hurried a bit."

"I was."

With that they made their way to the party, it was going to be big, Ciel knew that. And he just hoped for all in the world that the police wouldn't come like on some other parties he's been on before. It was bothersome to talk with his parents after that. It took them a year to not take it up. He could already heard the sound of hysterical music from the distance, actually he hated house music and rather listened to rock, he didn't like the pounding from the music. Was there actually anyone who actually listened to this kind of music on their free time, like home, on the subway, while working out?

Ciel let out a sigh as he could see already drunk people dance outside the house. He parked the car and they both got out. Alois didn't wait for Ciel to come with him and instead walked into the house and disappeared, probably for the rest of the night. He walked after, slower than his friend. He didn't have the same feeling anymore, about getting drunk and party. He walked in and instantly got a drink shoved down in his hand by a half drunk girl who blinked before heading towards a fried and talked to her. The music pounded in time with his heart and he started to drink whatever he got. It tasted like champagne.

A few drinks later he was starting to actually feel drunk and he was now forcing his way through the mass of people in the house, he got into a room that was rather empty except Alois, Sebastian and six girls sitting on the floor in a ring. Of course Sebastian was there, it was a party after all.

"Hey Ciel!"

Alois was sounding groggy and waved his hand as he saw his friend.

"We're playing truth or dare, join!"

"Ugh, fine."

Ciel mumbled and sat down next to Alois, in front of Sebastian. It was a rather childish game but he was drunk and it could be fun to pass some time.

"Okay, your turn."

The blonde pointed on a girl with too small clothes and long red hair who giggled. Alois gave Ciel a drink and smiled at him.

"You, truth or dare."

She pointed at Ciel and continued to giggle, just as drunk as him probably.

"Dare."

He said with a shrug and all the girls was giggling now. Did he do something? The red head glanced at Sebastian and smiled.

"I dare you to kiss Sebastian!"

Everyone except Ciel and Sebastian laughed or giggled. Ciel just stared at him. This went to fast, why did he join this stupid fucking game! He noticed the black haired man smirked at him as Alois pushed him closer. Ciel crawled over to Sebastian. The closer he got, the wider did that smirk get.

_Why the fuck is he smirking like that?!_

He felt a hand on his neck when he was centimeters away from his lips and he closed his eyes, not wanting to see. He felt the others hot breath on his lips and Ciel could feel his cheeks eat up when their lips slowly brushed against each other. Ciel got a bit closer to get a better angle in the kiss and the black haired man forced his tongue into his mouth. Giggle and cheering was heard from the girls as Sebastian's hand rode up under the sapphire eyed boy's shirt and felt his now hot and flushed skin. Mostly from the alcohol, the rest from the fact that he was kissing Sebastian.

_W-what am I doing? Why the hell am I still kissing him!? Though I can't stop.. His lips.. His skin._

His arms was now around the others neck and the kiss had turned heated and deep. The others had lost interest in the two and continued their game without them.

_Fuck it. I'm just drunk, I don't actually feel for him._

Though he wanted to pull away he was glued to the other. Sebastian didn't seem to have any intension of pulling away either.


	2. The accident

One thing Ciel hated and always regretted after a party was the hung over. His head was hurting and his eyes was sensitive to light. He was lying down in a bed, though it wasn't his, it felt different. Softer. He opened his eyes and looked around in the semi-dark room. It was definitely not his room, where the fuck was he? He sat up in the bed and hissed in pain as he felt a jolt of pain in his lower back. In the corner of his eye he spotted some dark hair moving under the blanket and he tensed.

_Who the fuck! This must be his house. Did he help me home after the party maybe._

Ciel was sure it was a man. Though who it was he didn't know. He couldn't remember anything from yesterday. It was cold and he shivered. Was there a window open in here maybe. He stood up from the bed and the blanket was removed from his skin that was fully exposed. Ciel was freaking out.

_Did I fuck him!? _

That did explain his back ache, and why he was cold. He was naked. Ciel hid his face in his hands and sat back down on the bed a bit too rough, he woke the other up. He rubbed his face and sighed deeply. He shirked and jumped a bit when he felt a hand on his shoulder that pulled him down on the bed. A pair of soft lips were pressed against his. Ciel struggled and pushed the other away.

"What the fuck man!"

He yelled and rubbed his lips with the back of his hand as he looked at the unknown man. He stopped as he saw who it was. Sebastian. Did he really fuck with Sebastian Michaelis of all people!

"Well you liked it yesterday-"

"I was fucking drunk!"

"Well so was I. And shut up. My head is hurting and your screaming don't make it better."

Sebastian mumbled and turned in the bed so he faced the wall. Ciel wanted to get back home and forget this, keep away from Sebastian and never see him again. Though, a part of him was happy. He did find him attractive, maybe it wasn't _that_ bad, it could have been a total stranger. He needed to check what time it was. He failed in finding one in the room and searched on the floor where his pants was, with his phone. Only 2 pm.

"Why the fuck did you bring me to yours after the party and not my house. You know where I live."

"I do, but it was easier to get you here when you tried to suck my dick in the car."

"You drove while you were drunk!?"

"No, some guy drove us."

A reviled sigh escaped his mouth. He blushed a bit, had he really tried to suck him of in the back seat? The thought made him blush more and he laid down in the bed, back facing back.

"Why are you not leaving?"

"I'm to fucking tired and I don't know how to get home from your house anymore."

"You seriously forgot how to get home from my house?"

"Yeah. I only was here like four times. Three of them was to pick up Alois from 'not being able to walk home'."

"You should still know."

"If you fucking want me to leave I will!"

"No. I just asked why you aren't. I don't want you to."

"Well then I'll fucking stay."

Ciel mumbled and looked around in the room a bit. The walls were in a different color now. They were black, before they were in a light grey. It looked better with black. More clean and fitted the other more than the dirty grey. He scooted further away from Sebastian when he remembered he was naked and searched on his floor for his underwear. He got them in his hand and pulled them on, feeling more comfortable not as exposed for the world anymore.

"You were my first…"

Ciel mumbled a bit embarrassed about losing his virginity and not even remember it. He don't even know why he told him. Something told Ciel that after fucking for the first time you had to say you had lost your v-card to them. Maybe it made the other feel special? Ciel didn't know, he didn't see it as something 'oh so holy' that you don't just throw away like that. He tensed again when he felt the other turn in the bed.

"And…"

"I don't fucking know. I thought I might tell you."

Sebastian propped himself on his elbow and looked down at Ciel. His hand stroking through his hair.

"Don't. I don't like you."

Why was Ciel still denying the fact that he wanted him he self didn't know. But something told him no. His parents didn't know he was gay and wasn't….into, supporting gays right. Who know, they might stop paying for his car, food and apartment. Sebastian removed his hand and looked at the younger. Yes, Sebastian was 20, three years older than him. Though, when his hand was removed from his odd hued hair he wanted it back to comfort him. His touch was so calming, soft and gentle.

"Hey, you don't regret it, right?"

Ciel wanted to say no, but something inside him told him to say no. So like the stubborn man he was he was going to be a bitch a little longer.

"I don't know. It feel wasted because I can't even remember how the fuck I lost it or what I even did yesterday."

"….You regret it."

Sebastian sounded…. Sad? And disappointed. Why was he that? It's not like Ciel was the hottest and definitely not the nicest in the world. Or school for that matter, but he had graduated some years ago. Ciel still couldn't figure why he sounded so sad. Did he want him to not regret it?

_Why am I always scotch a bitch around him? _

The younger sighed and looked at the ceiling.

"You wanna know something douche."

Ciel wasn't used to be called douche, was he really that hurt he _didn't know how to feel?_ Though the fact Sebastian was going to say something caught his interest. He loved getting information of any sort. So he looked over at the still naked man.

"You act like a bitch."

Ciel huffed and looked away again. He thought it was going to be something worth listening to, he know he acted like a bitch. Though he wished he would be more nice around him. He sat up and started to look around for his clothes on the floor. He was leaving. So what if he couldn't find the way home from him. He could just ask someone. He slipped his jeans on. Sebastian was watching him as he was putting on his clothes. His shirt came next and he made sure he got everything with him as he put on his jacket.

"So you're leaving anyways."

"Yeah, I don't want to bother you with my bitchy-ness."

He mumbled and got out from the room. His shoes were in the hall and he put them on. His head was hurting and he hoped it wouldn't be that hard to come home. He didn't want to fumble around on the street for hours and try to get home. He just wanted some rest so he could get up on Monday. He didn't _need_ to talk to him. Just walk out and if you see him again, walk away.

He opened the door and closed it. It was cold outside and his jacket didn't really warm him much. His car was still at the party, if he got there he could take the car home. Though he was still hung over and didn't like drive then, and he didn't know how to get there.

_Why couldn't he just get me home. It can't be that far away from him. The car drive to the party was ten minutes. Ugh, that fucking guy annoys me._

Ciel manage to get home after a good two hours after getting away from Sebastian. He was freezing and his back was still hurting a fucking lot. So the first thing he did was fill the bath tub with warm water and bubbles. He deserved a damn bath right now, and he felt dirty. What was he talking about, he _was_ dirty. When he took of his clothes he spotted the small amount of dry cum on his chest and stomach. He sat down in the tub and scrubbed it off with a sponge. He had to get back and get his car to. But maybe tomorrow. He needed to rest after having a hung over and a aching back from sex he can't even remember anything of. It was rather annoying. He bet it was great. The thought made him blush brightly as he shake the thought away from his head and continued to soak in the bath tub. Ciel couldn't go around and think of Sebastian and their drunk fuck session.

He stayed in the bath until his fingers became wrinkled and stepped out to get the black fluffy towel. _Sebastian_ came into his mind as he dried himself of. The towel reminded him of that damn man.

_Can't I even do anything for a hour without get him on my head! Fuck him!_

He threw the towel down in a corner of the bath room and stormed to his room to get clothes. He didn't mind walking naked in his house, he was alone after all. Though, clothes were better than being naked. He put on some boxers and cozy clothes. The apartment was cold and Ciel shivered a bit as he laid down in the sofa to take a nap. When he woke up, he was going to get his car, if he needed it for tomorrow.

Ciel woke up by a knock on the door. He groaned and sat up slowly. The boy was not in any kind of mood or state to talk to be in the same room as another human right now. He walked over to the door and opened it slowly to see his cousin on the other side of the door frame.

"Lizzie…"

He mumbled more to himself to make sure it actually was his annoying elder cousin. His sight was a bit blurry from just waking up. But when he heard her high pitched voice and saw her blond curly hair in two pig tails he was sure it was her.

"Hi Ciel. You look awful by the way."

"Mmh."

Ciel mumbled and looked at himself in the mirror that was set in the hall. His hair was still a bit damp and messy. Though, he didn't look that bad.

"Did you want something?"

He asked and rubbed his face in annoyance as he leaned back against the door. He really didn't want or need to talk to her now. He never did. Actually Ciel hated her. Just because she was a perfect daughter for a catholic family and Ciel wasn't made his parents compare the two teens. Whenever he said he was going to a party when he still lived home they always said 'You shouldn't party this much, and especially at this age. You should be more like Lizzie.'

"Yes, I came to see you were home now. I came by at eleven and you didn't answer the door or my phone calls. So I came back now."

"That wasn't what I asked for. _Why did you even come?"_

"Oh. Your mom told me to check on you. And invite you to the family party-"

"No. I won't come there."

"But Ciel! Why not!"

Ciel flinched at her almost yelling and sighed deeply.

"I fucking told you last year I wouldn't come this. I hate that stupid _'family party'_ ."

"Well you shouldn't swear that much. And what if I call your mom and force you to come?"

"I'll seriously be forced to kill you. Just let me be the fuck alone already."

He groaned and tilted his head to the side. If he closed the door in her face she would start to cry. He had done that once, never again. He had to comfort her for a hour before she left him alone.

"Fine. Though I understand why your parents love me more than you."

With that she turned, her pale pink winter coat swish in her movement and walked down the stairs. This was the first time Lizzie actually _hurt_ him. Yeah Ciel hated his parents but to hear Lizzie, little innocent cute Lizzie say that kind of hurt him. And even though he did hate them. He still loved them. Their relationship was complicated, it has been ever since Ciel didn't want to live his life like his parents. He stood and stared at the closed door and felt his heart broke a bit. He know she was right though, they loved Lizzie more than him. His own_ parents_ loved her more than _their own son._ He huffed and got his keys so he could go and get his car. The boy closed the door and started to walk.

_Like I needed that shit right now. She is seriously the worst. Fuck that bitch! _

Ciel muttered for himself as he walked down the street. He should have put on a jacket before going out, it's still November and the streets was a bit frozen from the rain and small amount of snow that had already fallen. Ciel was just too stupid to take something more on before leaving his home. He could sit in the heat of his car when he was there.

It was almost empty in the street, only a few cars passing and maybe five people walking in different directions. He looked up from the ground and looked at the house to the right. It looked familiar. After a minute of staring at the house and wonder who lived there he started to walk faster and looked down at the ground again. _That was Sebastian's house._ Since when dose he live that close. Had he always. That was _to_ close.

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!_

Soon he had arrived at the house where he had parked his car. By this time he was frozen to the bone and as fast as he was in the car he turned on the seat heat and warmed up the car. He sat there a while, just getting warm again. He closed his eyes and relaxed a bit.

_I want ice cream. _

He shoot his eyes open and started the car as he drove down to the grocery store some blocks away. Yes, he was freezing his ass of, _literally, _some minutes ago and now he wants ice cream. Half way he realized he had forgot to buckle his seat belt and looked around. There was no cars there right now so he stopped his car and buckled up. He heard a car horn and wheels squeal. He looked to the side and saw a dark blue car driving against his car, _fast._ It had probably tried to stop but due the icy street he couldn't slam on the brakes. This was he was going to die? He didn't want to die. He wanted to tell Sebastian he was sorry. The car hit the left side, the driver's side and the windows broke, making glass fly everywhere. He felt sudden pain over his right eye and tried to scream but he couldn't. he held his hands over his head as the car continued to move to the side. He felt everything spin. He tried to open his eyes but blood had come into his right eye and it hurt. This time, he screamed, and loud. It was heart breaking. He started to cry from the pain and it stung.

"Call the ambulance!"

He heard a voice scream and people gathered around the mess _he_ had created. Someone tear the broken door open and unbuckled his belt. He pulled him out and laid him down on the ground. He now felt his whole body hurting. He tried to look up at his savior and could see familiar black hair.

"S….astian."

The boy choked out and hissed in pain. He heard the sound of a ambulance come their way. His mind was racing.

"Seba….stian."

"Ciel! Are you alright!? Ciel!"

He smiled briefly and closed his hurting eyes, the smile didn't last that long. He gritted his teeth and he was picked up by two men.


	3. The day after

Everything was hurting, his right eye, his body and his heart. He heard the sound of machines blip and calm breathing, and not his own. It came from his side. He opened his eyes slowly to find that his right eye was covered up by something that felt like cotton and bondage. He looked the way the breathing came from. On his right side of what seemed to be a hospital bed sat the same man he had been saved by, and the same man he had fucked last night. He was awake but didn't seem to notice he was awake. Ciel looked at the roof and kept quiet.

_Why was Sebastian there? Did they ask him to come with them? As someone who knew the injured? _

"Ciel?"

"Mhm."

A reviled sigh came from Sebastian as he turned to the bed. He looked sad and…happy.

"I'll tell the doctor you woke up."

The boy didn't have time to demonstrate or ask why he was here before he was gone to get a doctor. Ciel looked at the door that soon would be opened again. A man clad in white came in with Sebastian after him. Sebastian sat down again and held Ciel's right hand.

_Why is he holding my hand? We look like a couple who is going to get to know if their pregnant or not. Though I'm not a woman. And I wouldn't be this wounded. _

"Ciel Phantomhive. I have bad news. I have already called your parents and told them you are okay and they don't have to worry. And I told them about your eye."

"W-what's wrong with my eye?"

"When the car crashed, some glass got stuck over your right eye and you got several cuts in your face and on your hands. And the wound over your eye was bleeding very bad and a lot of blood came in contact with your eye. We have removed the piece of glass and you didn't hurt your eye more."

Sebastian tightened his rip around his hand witch made him look over at Sebastian for a minute, Ciel had a worried and scared expression as he slowly looked back at the doctor. Waiting to know what _exactly_ was wrong.

"I'm very sorry, but with the amount of blood that you got in your eye have made you blind on your right eye."

"How.. How the hell do you know!?"

"We can remove the bondage and you can try see if you want."

Ciel couldn't accept being this young and lose his sight on his right eye. The doctor carefully removed the bondage and Ciel opened his eye. He felt like crying. He squeezed Sebastian's hand tight. He was indeed blind on his right eye. He did as he felt and started to cry, sobbing quietly as he looked down. He let go of Sebastian's hand to cover his face as his sobbing became louder. Sebastian moved so he was sitting on the bed and wrapped his arms around him. The doctor left the room quietly to let Ciel take it in and calm down a bit. He wasn't hurt in anyway except his eye and his feelings. Sebastian's hug was comforting and Ciel turned to wrap his arms around his waist so he could cry onto the others shirt, hiding his face.

"Ciel."

Sebastian said his name in such a sweet tone.

"Ciel.."

He kept saying his name and Ciel rubbed his face against Sebastian's shirt. He didn't want Sebastian to let go of him. He didn't want him to go. But still, he was too stubborn to say so. And no one could blame him for seeking comfort in another person after this. Anyone would let a distant friend comfort you in this state. Ciel didn't stop cry. This was a lot to take in. And it seemed that his parents didn't even bother to come here and see that he was _mentally_ okay. He felt broken. Seventeen and half blind. _Fucking great._

After some hours, Ciel finally calmed down a bit, his crying had stopped and he just stared onto the others chest as he sniffed a bit. Sebastian was patting his back gently.

"How do you feel?"

Sebastian asked and laid Ciel down, releasing him from his hug. Ciel faced the cold air in the room and wanted to get back into that warm caring embrace. Though he didn't allow himself to pull him down in a hug. He didn't answer either. He was still in a bit of shock.

"Ciel if you want I can help-"

"How. How the fuck can you help?"

He snapped and narrowed his eyes at the other. His left eye was as sapphire blue as ever, holding back more tears, making them sparkle a bit from the brightness in the room. The left was in a dull dark blue now. It hurt the older to look into his eyes now. To know he was in pain.

"To comfort you."

Ciel's eyes softened a bit and he opened his mouth to say 'no'. But he closed it again to think of this a bit more. He did like him, just couldn't accept it. Though let him 'help'. What kind of held would it be.

"What will you do if I say yes?"

"Anything you ask. Make you food…..Cuddle."

"…Can we stay at my house than?"

"Yeah sure, I was thinking about living on our own but I came over when you needed me."

"Fuck you…."

"Though living with you seem much better."

Ciel couldn't help but blush a bit. This was not what he needed.

_Fuck this guy for making me act wired._

Sebastian had derived them to Ciel's place. He had helped him to get up the stairs and into his room. It was harder than he thought to walk with only using one eye. He had got a eye patch band aid from the hospital. It was a good thing Sebastian was there to help him walk. He had to get used to only see with his left eye now. His body was still hurting, so as fast they were there Ciel laid down in his bed with a sigh. This was going to be some rough weeks.

"Are you hungry or something?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to make food?"

"Yeah."

"What do you want?"

"I don't know….food."

"Then be happy with whatever you get."

Ciel turned in the bed so his back was facing the door that was open. He could hear Sebastian begin making food. This was not what he thought about doing when he woke up this morning. He didn't even think about waking up in someone else's house. But, he had someone making him food now for maybe a month. Until he actually could walk straight on his own. It couldn't take that much time.

Wonder what he was making. Due the sound of something boiling and something in the fry pan he guessed it was pretty well made. Though he didn't make a big fucking meal for him just to eat dinner. He would be happy with some ramen noodles.

"What are you making?"

He called from his room and waited for a answer.

"Steak."

_Is this guy serious? He is making fucking steak! _

Though Ciel was hungry and just wanted food right now. He could hear the sound of cabinets close and open, some plates cling as they touched each other and the table in his kitchen. Ciel's stomach growled and he held his arms around it.

"Is it done soon?"

"Yeah, ten minutes."

"That's not soon."

Ciel groaned and sat up with a bit struggle. He made his way out to the kitchen by holding chairs and hold his hands against the wall. This would be a pain. He came into the small kitchen and stared down at the nicely dished table. He laughed.

"This is not a fucking date. We're just eating."

"So I can't make the fucking food look good?"

"You can. But it's not a fucking date."

"Did I say it was? I'm here to help you make food so you don't burn down the house or fall to the ground. We could buy you a walking stick, or cane."

"No, just, you seem to make your best. Like on a date. And fuck no! I'm not getting a fucking _walking stick!_ I'm not eighty!"

"Okay fine ass."

"Tsk."

Ciel sat down on one of the chairs and looked at Sebastian as he cooked. Though, what did he make to the steak. He never bought any potatoes. His eyes, or the eye that wasn't covered, traveled to the window and he let out a sigh as he saw snow start falling. Snow was the worst, it meant it was winter. Ciel hated winter more than anything else, if not his cousin. When come to think of it. She was always so worried about him, and now, after a car crash, she didn't even come to see if he was okay. No family member did, only Sebastian… The man who he least wanted to be stuck with for the moment.

It still hurt. What Lizzie had said. When thinking of what she said, it hurt more. He gritted his teeth at the thought. Everyone wanted their parents to love them, no matter how much you hated them or what life you choose. You want them to accept what you want to do. But some don't. Like Ciel's parents. They already lost their fait and probably love in him as he said he didn't want to live like he did. When he wanted to attend a normal school and not the catholic school his parents signed him up on. They thought he would be happy to go there. But Ciel ended up depressed when his parents didn't listen to him. So instead he kept locked in his room, the school was a '24/7' school as Ciel called it. The teacher had to drag him out from his room, often didn't succeed.

"The food is done."

Ciel snapped out of his little trans and looked over at the other male. He made Ciel happy in some way. The way he actually seemed to care about him. He was there after he had crashed. He pulled him out of the car and probably held his hand on the way to the hospital. He comforted him when he got the news about his eye.

_Do Sebastian care?_

Two plates were set down on the table. The steak looked delicious, and apparently he had used pasta instead of potatoes. He got Ciel some water and sat down in front of him.

"Something's missing?"

Ciel shook his head and slowly started to cut in the steak.

_Why did Sebastian care?_

The dinner Sebastian had made was amazing, he had never ate something that good in his short life. Though the dinner had been quite awkward, they both was quiet until Sebastian had asked where he would sleep. Ciel's only options were the sofa or his bed. Well, if he wanted the man to sleep comfortable. He had said the sofa and now they were going to get ready for bed. Ciel was looking for something Sebastian could use as a blanket.

"You don't got anything more?"

"No. I don't get guests."

Both of them sighed. Ciel clinched his fists.

"Sleep with me."

"What? I thought you didn't want-"

"What the fuck! I meant sleep in my bed then! I don't want to fuck you!"

He yelled and narrowed his eyes at him. Sebastian was….smiling. Soon he burst out in laughter. Ciel blushed and walked closer the other and hit his arm rather hard.

"Shut up!"

Ciel walked into his room and laid down in the bed. He watched Sebastian come in after him, he just turned him his back and huffed. Sebastian chuckled as he walked to turn the light of in the small apartment. When he came back he removed his shirt and jeans. He opened Ciel's closet to find some sweat pants to sleep in. He found some, they were three sizes to small but it was something. He laid down next to the already sleeping Ciel. The boy was breathing softly and was calm in his sleep. Sebastian dared to wrap a arm around him and snuggle close. He didn't care if Ciel hated him. He liked Ciel.

Soon they both was asleep and Ciel was in the other's arms. That Ciel had let him sleep in the same bed he actually didn't know. He could have just begged him to go to his place and get his own damn blanket. It wasn't that far from his house. Though he wanted him closer at that moment, to comfort him. He had felt a bit down after over thinking that his parents didn't care if he was dead or not. Or, that was how he saw it, and he was probably right.

He wondered how long Sebastian would and wanted to stay. His food today was amazing. It would take at least one month for Ciel to get used to walk and not see as he did with two eyes, but then, it would take years to sink in.

_Why did I have to stop my car in the middle of the road._


	4. a small confession

Ciel woke up and felt that the wound above his right eye was hurting. He hissed lowly and moved in the bed to find a arm around him. He got scared at first, then he remembered that Sebastian had slept in his bed. He sighed and turned around slowly not to wake the other up. Sebastian was beautiful as he slept. His face was calm, dark lashes rested on his cheeks and soft, but still firm lips was parted and small breaths came from the other man. Ciel had the urge to lean closer and kiss him. Though he couldn't risk him wakening up like that and he told him he didn't like the man.

He scanned his face and it was perfect. No flaws at all, nothing. He wrapped his arms around the older and snuggled against his chest. If he woke up he could blame that it was cold and he cuddled up to the other for warmth. He didn't fall asleep though, he laid there for a half hour without being able to fall back to sleep. Soon the man he embraced started to stir and soon he felt a hand through his hair and he pretended to look like he just woke up. It didn't work.

Ciel wanted to push away but instead stayed in Sebastian's muscled arms. He felt safe and didn't want him to let go. Sebastian didn't seem to have any thought of moving away either. The others hand kept stroking his soft hair and soon he felt those soft lips against his head; that was when he pushed away.

"What are you doing ass?"

"I thought we were cuddling so I kissed you."

"I know what you fucking did."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Fuck you Sebastian. Just shut up."

He mumbled and looked into his odd brown colored eyes. They showed off a bit of red in the sunlight that was flattering to his pale skin and pitch black hair. Ciel found himself searing at the man and looked down on his chest instead. Sebastian chuckled.

Ciel blushed as he cuddled up to the other again. He was just so warm and Ciel was slightly cold due the cold weather and he didn't live in a apartment that had that good heat system, he usually slept with lots of clothes but Sebastian, he was still warm, and soft. It attracted Ciel in a way. His heat and softness.

_Why do I like him._

Ciel hid his face in the elders exposed chest and mumbled for himself. The other chuckled at this and caressed his hair gently. The boy hesitated of the thought to kiss him, any part of him. To feel his skin made him almost go crazy. But he couldn't help it. He looked up at him and pressed his soft lips against Sebastian's collar bone. He was shocked over what he had done and stared down at the younger male that just had kissed his collar bone. Ciel continued to leave kisses up to his jaw line and stopped there. He pulled away and looked into those crimson eyes and leaned up to his lips and pressed them together in a small kiss.

Sebastian stared at him as the younger pulled away, then smiled. Ciel looked back at him and sat up in the bed. He laid against the wall and Sebastian was in the way for him to get up so he crawled over him and want to the kitchen to get some water for himself. Sebastian had apparently followed, he leaned against the door frame and watched the younger of the two.

"You want me to make breakfast?"

"Yeah. I can help."

"No. You can sit down. You have to rest your eye or something I guess… And you'll just be in the way."

"Ass."

Ciel muttered and sat down on the counter so he could watch what he did. Sebastian began to place egg, bacon, bread and lots of other stuff that he was going to make breakfast out of.

"You know it's only you and me. And I don't eat that much. Usually I just take a diet shake on my way to school."

"No wonder you're so skinny."

"Fuck you I'm happy with how I look."

"I like the way you look too."

Ciel huffed and watched as he began to stir egg salt and pepper together in a small bowl then poured it down in the fry pan that was placed on the oven and coated in butter. The other moment Ciel was kissing and cuddling up to Sebastian and now he was bitching around again.

_He must think I'm mental or something._

He looked at the watch and then back at what Sebastian was cooking. How was he this good at making food? He was like twenty! Ciel could barely make pasta without fucking it up in some way. He didn't seem to be that kind of person who could make food.

He snapped out of his trance as he got a kiss and a smile from Sebastian. Ciel stared at him with a pout.

"Breakfast's done."

Ciel's frown turned to a smile and he kissed Sebastian back and jumped over to the table to eat. It all looked so good. Scrambled eggs, bacon, toasted bread with butter on it and orange juice. Ciel dug in immediately. Sebastian did the same.

A loud thud sounded from the living room and Sebastian came rushing in, afraid Ciel might got hurt. Ciel laid on the floor, hand on his head and made small whimpering sounds. He steadied himself on one arm and Sebastian put his hands on his shoulders and slowly helped him up. It was still hard to walk without walking into something or trip. They sat down on the sofa and Sebastian looked at the small red bruise that had formed on his cheek from either falling or walking into something. He rubbed his thumb over it gently with a smile.

"You got to be careful."

"I know…. It's just, it's not that easy to get used to only using one eye."

"It can't be that hard-"

"Shall we stab your eye with a fork and then see how good you can walk."

He snapped at the other male. It wasn't mostly that he only had one eye, he felt a tad dizzy as he walked and made it even harder.

"Sorry."

Ciel looked down as the other apologized. He hated that he had to be taken care of. Even though it was his own choice, he felt like he was bothering Sebastian. Said man lifted his chin and leaned down to kiss him. Ciel looked into his eyes and waited for their lips to collide. But then, of course, his phone started ringing and Ciel begged Sebastian to go and get it for him.

"Yes hello?"

"_Oh Ciel Hi. It's Rachel. I called to see if you had gotten home from the hospital."_

"Hi mom. Yes I'm home."

"_I'm so very sorry for what happened to your eye. We would love to come visit you and make sure you're alright…but we are going on a holiday tomorrow and we won't be home for one week. So we can't come over now."_

"Yeah."

"_I have to go pack now. Are you sure you're fine alone? I could call Lizzie and ask her to take care of you."_

"No. I'm good."

"_Good. If you need anything or if there's something wrong you can call Lizzie."_

"Mmh. Bye."

"_Good bye."_

Ciel hung up and sighed. His life just got a bit worse.

_So a fucking holiday is more important than your son huh? And dad didn't even say hi…. Lizzie was right. They hate me, more than I thought. I'd be better dead. So I don't stand in the way for them. Because that's what I am, in the way. They wouldn't care. Not a bit. No one would._

Ciel's thoughts continued in that way, down. He hated himself now. He felt like a burden that just was something for the world to toy with when they were bored. His family just admitted they were going on a holiday one day after Ciel, their son, only child, had an car accident. He had completely forgot the other male in the room and just sat there and stared with a dead vision on the wall.

"Hey, Ciel."

Sebastian said and put a hand on his shoulder. He could tell something was of. Ciel looked up at him, feeling a bit better to know that at least one person was here and actually cared if he disappeared from earth forever. But he still didn't smile, he sat there and looked at Sebastian. Sadness, loneliness and slight fear played in that one deep blue eye that held tears back. Not wanting to cry more in front of the other. He never cried when another human was in the room, so back at the hospital he had showed his weak side.

Ciel stood up and slowly walked to his room, where he was heading in the first place. His walking was careful and he ran a hand over the wall as he walked. Not wanting to fall. He could hear the other male start walking after him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders to stop the younger.

"I can see you're bothered. What is it?"

"Nothing. I'm just fine."

"No."

He picked him up and carried him over to the bed and laid him down on it. Ciel facing the bed and Sebastian straddling his waist, holding his wrists over his head. Ciel blushed at the possession he was in and started to struggle but for no use. He was weaker than the other and smaller. So words had to fight for him.

"Sebastian stop!"

"Not until you tell me why the fuck you looked so sad."

"It was nothing!"

"I don't believe you."

"Why do you even care!?"

"Because I like you!"

They fell silent for a moment. Just sitting there in the same pose they started this fight in. The question was, did he want to tell Sebastian what was _actually_ going through his head? How his life felt so miserable.

"Sebastian get off of me."

"I said I fucking won't until you tell me."

"I don't want to."

"Tell me."

"…It hurts."

"Oh, sorry I'll get off."

"I didn't mean that! It fucking hurts! My fucking life hurts!"

Ciel yelled into the bed that softly muffled the cries.

_Fuck it all! If he wants to know why don't I fucking tell him!?_

Sebastian was quiet and watched the boy that now was still.

"Ciel. It'll get better if you talk."

"Get the fuck of me and I might tell you fucker."

He mumbled and felt the weight disappear from his waist and his hands were freed. He pushed himself up by his elbows and slowly sat up. His back facing Sebastian who looked over at him a bit worried.

"….no."

"No?"

"I can't tell you."

"But if you keep it all in it'll get worse."

"Let it get worse. I don't fucking care! No one would care if it got worse."

"I would. I don't want you to feel bad."

Ciel shook his head and let out a small unsecure laugh as he brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

"What's with you Sebastian?"

"What."

"Why do you care? About how I feel."

"I fucking told you it's because I like you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't fucking know. Maybe that I care for you and would like to date you…. But fuck it."

"Date me huh?"

Ciel looked to the side and saw the shadow of the other on the floor. He sighed and rubbed his face. He didn't want to bother Sebastian. He cared for him as well even though he might not want to admit it. He was just a bitch who could have what he wanted but didn't take it. Seriously, Sebastian was serving himself on a silver plate right now and Ciel ditched it. Something was really off about him. He knew that himself as well.

"I'll tell you one thing."

He said in a low tone and turned his head a bit so he could glance at the raven haired man.

"My family don't want me. That's all you have to know."

He turned his head back and looked at the wall. Was it a smart thing to open up like this. What if he got hurt by him. _What if he got more hurt than he already was._ He clinched his palms into fists and leaned his head against his knees. This pain was enough, he didn't want more of it. Sebastian had been quiet for a good twenty minutes now and soon he felt a hand on his shoulder that slowly moved down over his back.

"I'm sorry for that."

Ciel yanked his shoulder away and laid down on the bed, still not looking at the other. He just wanted to be alone, yet he wanted Sebastian to be there. He thought the other might get up and walk away, but he sat there and looked at the boy. Soon Ciel couldn't handle it anymore and he turned to the other, now laying on his back, looking into those brown red eyes. He reached out a hand towards Sebastian's face but he didn't reach so the man leaned down so the younger could complete his task. He ran his fingers over his jaw line and chin, stopping there and ran them over his pale lips. They were so soft. He couldn't fucking resist.

He ran his hand down to the V-neck collared shirt and pulled him down. He stopped centimeters away from his lips to speak. His lips ghosting over the others as he spoke.

"I don't fucking know why I do this."

He smiled a bit for himself as he closed the distance between their lips. Not letting go of his shirt e pulled him closer and soon a tongue was darting out and licking his pink lips. Ciel opened his mouth and let the elder male in to explore his mouth. He wrapped his slender arms around the others neck and tried to push his tongue back so he could taste the other more and started a small battle with their tongues. A hand cupped his cheek while the other softly ran up and down over his side. His hands gripped the back of his shirt and slightly moaned as Sebastian's hand stroked over his thigh.

After awhile of their wet muscles fighting together Sebastian 'lost' and let the younger explore his wet carven. A satisfied moan came from the boy as he won and he was going to take his price. This cheered the young boy up a bit, but the pain was still there. But the pain got mixed up with feelings, feelings for Sebastian. He pulled away to breath and looked into his eyes with a faint smile as he gasped for needed air.

"I'm sorry."

Ciel mumbled not looking away from him as he spoke.

"Sorry for what?"

"For being an ass."

Sebastian chuckled at him and kissed his four head, wrapping his muscled arms around the younger boys waist.

"I think it's cute."

"That I act like a idiot?"

"Yeah."

"Well I can continue-"

"No. You're cuter when you're like this."

Ciel nodded with a small smile and rested his four head against his chest as he was held by the other.


	5. impress

It was Monday today and he still had to go to school, he couldn't afford miss any tests right now. He needed a good grade to get into any college he wanted to. Sebastian had left a bit earlier for work and Ciel had handed a key over to him so he could get into the apartment if Ciel wasn't home. He had eaten breakfast, brushed his teeth and got his clothes on. He didn't have a car anymore so he had to walk to school. He locked the door and started to walk down the road to his school.

First period was art class, Ciel loved art class, he drew a lot. Though he didn't know if he was as good as he was before his loss. He walked into the classroom and saw his friend Alois.

"Hey Cie- what's with the eye patch?"

Yeah, that's right, Alois didn't know about what had happened. He sighed and sat down on the desk next to the blond haired boy.

"I crashed with my car and I got blind on my right eye due blood in it."

"Dude is this some sick joke? Cuz it's not funny."

"It's not a joke. I'm fucking half blind."

"Wow, dude. I'm sorry for that."

Alois was one of those who liked teasing and make fun of people, but he was kind and caring when it came to injuries or if someone was crying. He was a good guy really, that was why he had him close. The blonde boy wrapped his arms around him and patted his back.

"I hope you'll be alright."

"Yeah, it's a bit hard to walk sometimes but I manage."

"Dude. Do you want me to like, be at yours more to help you with shit?"

"Nah, You know Sebastian that you like dated or something. He's taking care of me."

"Michaelis?"

"Yeah."

"So he isn't that much of a douche."

Ciel rolled his eyes and laughed a bit. Alois always called him that. It was his nick name for Sebastian, but, he called a lot of people douche.

"Well class starts now so go sit on your chair and not my desk."

"Fine."

Ciel stood up and sat down in the seat next to his friend so they could continue talk.

Ciel was on his phone last period, just to get away from working he sat with it under his desk and hoped he wouldn't get spotted, it was snowing outside, rather much and Ciel didn't have a car so he turned off the sound on it and texted Sebastian. He had got his number so he could call if he needed something or if he had gotten hurt. He asked if he could come and pick him up soon after class had ended. Soon his phone vibrated and a reply from Sebastian was given him. He smiled a bit for himself.

'_I have already made us dinner so I'll be there in ten minutes or so.'_

It was like having a butler really, or _actually_ a good parent. Well, you didn't make out with your parents and fucked them when you were drunk. But you get the deal, he felt loved for once, even though he might not show his love for the other male he wanted him to know that he did indeed _love _the man. It felt silly to fall in love this quickly, like a seven year old girl. Ciel woke up from his thoughts as Alois hit his shoulder.

"Hey, class have ended."

"Oh, yeah."

He stood up and said good bye to the blonde before taking his way to the front of the school building to meet up with Sebastian. The car was already there when he came out. He ran up to it without falling and jumped in to get away from the cold and snow outside.

"I've made some lasagna for us to eat when we come home."

"You're amazing."

Ciel said and turned up the heat a bit. It was still not that late on the year but there were a snowstorm outside now. It was nice to come home to his house with food ready and Sebastian lit candles on the table. He smiled as he sat down with the boy and they began to eat. Ciel was still amazed how Sebastian got the food so good, he had thought his mom had done food that tasted good, but he couldn't describe how much he loved the man's food. When this was over and Sebastian got back home to his place, he would feel lonely and have to make his own food again. And how would he thank the other for all he had done for him.

After dinner they were in the living room watching TV and Ciel had complained about school and how lucky Sebastian was who had graduated and was free from school. Ciel hated school, it made him depressed and he hated some, and with that say a lot, of people in his school. Though he fights through it as good as he can. Sebastian had just laughed and told him that working in a store is not that good either. Ciel only rolled his eyes and yawned. It was starting to get late and he had to sleep.

"Sebastian I'm going to sleep now, you can stay up a bit if you want."

"Nah, I like cuddling with you."

He said and stood up walking after Ciel who already was in his bed room. He took of the clothes from the day and threw them on the floor and laid down in the bed with his boxers still on. Sebastian did the same and smiled as he laid down next to Ciel, wrapping a arm around him.

The wonderful thing of being a human is that as fast as you're tired and then go to bed, you feel like you could run a damn marathon. Ciel was far from tired now and Sebastian had noticed. Ciel felt a kiss on the back of his neck followed by a stroke on his shoulder, down his back. Ciel was quiet first but soon felt a hot wet tongue on his neck, licking up to his ear. He gasped softly as his ear lobe was getting sucked and a hand stroked over his thigh. Ciel brought a hand up to touch the back of the others neck, pulling the older into a kiss.

Sebastian moved his hand to rub his inner thigh and nibbled on his lower lip as they kissed. Ciel had to admit that he loved kissing the older, and his gentle, sensual touches made his body hot. The younger's breathing started to speed up and he pulled away from the kiss only to meet more kisses on his neck and ear aria. Sebastian's hand moved up to his hip and tugged in the waist band of his boxers. Soon his hand sneaked down the younger males underwear and gently stroked over his member.

"Sebastian…ah."

"I want to remember. What we did."

The elder wrapped his hand around his growing erection and began to move his hand over it slowly. Ciel let out a choked moan and pressed his back against his chest. Ciel's mind was racing and was calm at the same time, a million emotions were slammed into his head. He wanted to remember too, but he wasn't in a mental state to do it again this soon.

"N-no..nghh."

Sebastian stopped his movements with his hand.

"What is it?"

His tone was calm and caring, yet aroused and he could tell that Sebastian wanted to do it. He wanted to do it as well, but not today.

"I don't want to…."

Ciel mumbled in embarrassment and his face became flushed. Sebastian kissed his neck and began stroking over his now fully erect dick.

"At least let me pleasure you."

Ciel moaned again, feeling the others warm hand pump him. He could let him do that, he would have to sneak into the bathroom and finish off by himself. He couldn't go to sleep fully erect. Moans and gasps escaped his soft lips as he felt warmth pool in his stomach, a well known feeling. Sebastian's tongue was lapping at a sensitive spot at his ear and his knees began to quiver from pleasure that very soon would end in a mess.

"Seba..aah."

He could say full sentences, not even a word as he arched his back away from the other's warm exposed chest. Ciel cried out as he reached his orgasm and came over the others hand and on the sheets. He breathed heavy as he still was in a euphoria. Sebastian brought his hand up to his mouth and licked the milky substance away from his digits before leaning over and kiss his cheek. Ciel smiled and turned to Sebastian. He kissed his lips and felt the tiredness hit him.

"Good night."

He mumbled and cuddled up against his chest, enjoying the warmth he was sending out. The youth was soon asleep in the raven haired man's arms. Sebastian could feel his own erection begging for the same pleasure that he had given the younger. He sighed and kissed is head before getting out of bed and walked to the bathroom to take care of his problem.

Ciel woke up yawning and rubbing his eyes. The sunlight was shining through the window, the snow storm seemed to be over. It was Tuesday, their shortest day. The boy stumbled out of bed and towards the bathroom to take a shower. There was a small amount of dried cum on his torso that he needed to scrub off. He let the water run until it was steaming and he removed his boxers before stepping in and let the water surround his small frame. With a sponge he first scrubbed the cum away and then the rest of his body. Sebastian had already left for work and wouldn't come home until four, so Ciel would be alone in two hours.

_What is this feeling? I want Sebastian to be here… I should try make us food for when he comes home. He's making me food all the time and it's delicious .I can take the bus to the store and look up a recipe on the computer._

Ciel smiled for himself as he began to put shampoo in his hair. He liked his idea and was going to look something good up that he hoped the older of the two would like.

_Pasta maybe? Everybody loved pasta. But maybe it's to plain. I want to impress him in a way. To show him I can do things on my own. Though I can't…._

He rinsed his hair from the strawberry smelling shampoo and turned the water of and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked to his laptop and opened it, logging in and opened chrome. He let the side load as he went to put on clothes. Black washed jeans, a long sleeved grey v-necked shirt and a arm less hoodie that was a tad lighter than his shirt. He got back to the laptop and searched for food, so he maybe could be inspired and find something to make them. He found one with fish that sounded good and he looked up the recipe. He wrote down the things he needed to buy and shut the computer down and put it in his bag together with books, a pen, money and his buss card.

He stopped in the hall and got back to get a package of cigarette and his lighter. He got one out and put it between his lips and lit is at fast he got outside the door. He sighed in relief and smiled. He hadn't smoked in three days. That was a lot for him, but so much had happened. He inhaled the smoke and let it out after some seconds before beginning to walk. He wished he had put on a jacket, but walking back now was to bothersome.

He took his last inhale before tossing the stump down on the snow covered ground and stomped it gently down in the snow with his thick winter boots. He began walking a bit faster and was soon at the parking lot in front of the school. There was no one there that he could see and it bothered him a bit. At this time in the morning at least some people would be there on their way to school. He walked up to the door and yanked at the door.

_It's locked?_

There was a piece of paper taped to the door and he turned to read it.

'**The school is closed due a window was left open and a big amount of snow filled the corridors. We are still working on getting the snow out and tomorrow classes will start again.'**

Ciel kicked the door and groaned in annoyance as he pulled his phone out. He called his friend and sighed.

"_What?"_

"Did you know the fucking school is closed?"

"_No? Is it?"_

"Yes, some stupid fuck forgot a window open."

"_Ugh! I could be fucking asleep!"_

"Well at least you're not at the school."

"_The fuck do you know? I'm like one minute away."_

"Wanna like meet up and take a coffee_"_

"_Yeah. Sure_. _I'll come to the front door soon."_

He soon spotted the blonde and he walked closer to him. He was greeted by a blow of smoke in his face, Ciel took the cigarette from his hand.

"Hey! Give it back!"

Alois snapped and tried to take it back only to get smoke in his face followed by a smirk from the odd hued colored haired boy.

"If you're going to blow the smoke on me do it in my fucking mouth."

The older of the too mumbled and Ciel chuckled, breathed in the smoke and waited. The blonde opened his mouth and Ciel leaned down and held his chin gently as he breathed out the toxic smoke into his mouth. Alois breathed it in slowly and put a hand on his shoulder. The two boys would be called gay if anyone saw it. Well, they both were but no… Just no. Alois and Ciel had sworn on not dating each other, they wanted to stay just friends. But either of them could deny that they acted like this a lot. And when people asked if they were a pair they just laughed. It would be wired to date the same person you've spend your whole life with as a friend, a close one that is.

Ciel pulled away and gave him the cigarette back to his friend. Alois blew the smoke back out and sighed, grabbing the cigarette and breathed in.

"Your turn bitch."

Alois said and pulled in his shirt and Ciel opened his mouth letting the other breath out in his carven. Alois' hand was still on his shoulder as he pulled away and took a smoke for himself. Ciel let the smoke out and they began to walk.

They stopped at star bucks and ordered their coffee before sitting down and relax. It was nice to get some energy from the bitter hot drink. Alois had begun to ask about Sebastian and if they had done it some more time after the party.

"Well first. I can't fucking remember anything from that time at the party, neither did he."

"Well that's a shame."

"But yester day I couldn't sleep and suddenly he began to stroke my thighs and kiss my neck."

"So you fucking did it!?"

Alois said with a smile, hoping to get a described tale from Ciel how it had been to fuck him and remember it.

"No. I told him I didn't want to-"

"What the fuck man!"

"Pipe down ass! He jerked me off and we made out at least."

Alois was close to spit out the coffee and he swallowed before coughing.

"You alright?"

The younger said in a mocking voice and kicked his leg under the table.

"Describe it please."

"Alois, what the fuck."

"Come on Ciel! I need new images to masturbate to."

"Ugh god that's gross man!"

"Please. Porn is so boring."

"Get a fucking boyfriend then."

Alois snapped his fingers with a smirk.

"I'm working on it! I met this guy named Claude three weeks ago. Didn't I tell you we fucked?"

"Maybe. Well if you're so fucking out of good porn that you need me to tell me about my sex life, fine."

Ciel was on the bus now on his way to the supermarket to buy the things he needed for the dinner. He got off and walked into the warm store, he pulled out the list and a basket to put it in. He began to prick it off and was soon done. He walked past the section with cakes and sweets. He stopped for a minute to take a look at the good looking sweets. There was a strawberry short cake that was rather small. He picked it p and looked at the price. 30£, not that bad. He smiled and put it down in the basket and walked to the check out. He wished he was old enough to buy wine, it would be nice to drink to this. As the cashier scanned his things he called Sebastian.

"_Hey babe."_

"Hi. Do you got like wine at your place?"

"_Yeah… Why?"_

"Well, I'm going to try make us dinner to be honest and I would like to drink wine to it. Thought that might be nice."

"_Okay, I'll get one before coming home after my shift. See you later love."_

"Stop calling me stuff!"

Sebastian chuckled before hanging up and Ciel got the bags, walking to the bus stop.

At home Ciel searched for the recipe again and started to fry the fish and boil potatoes. He set a clock to go off as the potatoes were done. As the fish was getting cooked as well he put the cake in the fridge so it wouldn't be in the way while making food then he started to mix a sauce that was fitting for the meal. In the middle of cooking, the door opened and a cheerful voice filled the room.

"I'm home!"

"Hey."

"I got the win- wow, Ciel! It smells really good."

"Thanks, I just hope it'll taste as good."

"I'll just change and then I'll dish the table."

"Yeah, make it look nice. Like a real fucking fancy dinner."

Ciel said with a smile and flipped the two fishes in the pan and the clock went off. Ciel carefully took it in his hands and poured the hot water out and set the pot down on the counter. He took a plate to put the fish on and turned off the burners and started to fix the table himself. Sebastian came in and smiled as he saw the younger making his best to make it all look good. He served them with a smile.

"So dinner's ready. I hope you'll like it."

Sebastian kissed his cheek and poured up the wine in their glasses.

"By the way Ciel, aren't you too young to drink."

"I'm turning eighteen next month, so."

"Well then I guess It's okay."

He sat down and so did Ciel.

After the food was finished, Ciel pulled out the strawberry short cake and set it down with a smile.

"I bought us some cake."

"You're too sweet."

Ciel took two smaller plates and cut two pieces from the cake and placed them on each plate. He served them and as fast as he sat down he took the spoon and began to eat.

"So why did you make dinner? And how did it go? Like, with one eye."

"It went well, apparently it tasted good."

"My other question?"

"Oh…I just wanted to make dinner for once, you always do and I just sit there watch."

"You're honestly the best."

Sebastian said with a chuckle and walked over to the other who already had eaten half his cake. He wrapped his arms around his waist and picked him up. He sat down and put Ciel in his lap, kissing his neck.

"Don't fucking disturb me eating cake."

"Just want to have you close."

"Shut up."

"Did you know you can go from cute and caring to sassy and a bit bitchy in like five seconds."

Ciel was quiet and stopped shoving the cake in his mouth. Of course Sebastian would have noticed, but it's just because he likes him but still don't want to be in a relationship. But he still wants to. His thoughts were complicated. Ciel began to eat again, thinking of what to answer.

"I'm sorry."

"You've already apologized for that."

"oh."

"It's okay. That's one reason to love you."

Y-you what?"

Ciel asked and turned to look at him. He felt the same way though. It was just wired to hear another human being say that.

"I love you."

"We've not known each other that long."

"It was enough time. When I saw you crash with your car, I first didn't know it was you. No one was thinking about helping the injured person out of the car so I decided I would. When I saw it was you, I just… I started think about how my life would be not even telling you what I felt about you. And the way you said my name back there. And when I was together with Alois, I always thought you looked better, cuter."

The younger blinked a few times and looked down.

"I think..I feel the same."


	6. bath time

Chapter 6:

There had been a lot of emotional talk after dinner. Both of the males had said 'I love you' to the other and they had started to kiss. The kiss had soon turned passionate and deep. Tongues battling for dominance and hands running over skin. Sebastian had carried Ciel to the sofa and continued their make out session there. Ciel was trapped under the older, one hand caressing his torso under his shirt his other hand holding the younger's chin. Ciel was gripping his hair with both hands letting him explore his mouth. He had gave up when he felt desperate of having him in his hot, wet carven.

Sebastian pulled away to let them both take needed breaths of air before attacking his mouth again. Ciel moaned lightly as he began to ground into the older. Just like Sebastian, he wanted to remember to. The older pushed his hips down and kissed his neck.

Ciel gasped and pulled in Sebastian's shirt to take it off. He tugged in it and got it off. He ran his hands over his now naked chest, he was rather muscular, he had abs, strong arms and he was well trained. He looked perfect. Ciel's breathing stopped for a second as the other male was sucking and nibbling on his ear. It always felt so good when he did that. Sebastian's hands moved down to his waist and up, stroking where ever they could, wanting to feel the other's body under his slightly cold hands.

Their lips met again to ravish each other's mouths. No one wanted to take the first step to get down to business. Kissing and touching was just great right now.

"S-Sebastian, what time is it?"

The older sighed and looked at the clock on his phone that was in his pocket.

"Shit, it's like midnight."

"Fuck I got school tomorrow."

"And I got work."

"Fuck!"

Ciel pushed Sebastian off of him and pulled clothes off and laid down in the bed. He waited for Sebastian who soon laid down next to him and turned the lights of.

"Good night."

"Night."

"Sebastian. I can't sleep, I'm not tired."

"We could always make out more."

"Sounds good."

Ciel turned in the bed and wrapped a arm around his neck. He was going to need like two cups of black coffee in the morning but he didn't care now. Sebastian smiled as their lips met again and moved together. His hands once again stroking over Ciel's thighs and waist. The older was nibbling and tugging at his lower lip and earned a moan from the other male. Ciel pressed himself against him and kissed down his neck.

He was starting to feel tired, but he didn't want to sleep. Only a bit. He pulled away and kissed Sebastian one last time on the lips.

"I got tired. Let's continue tomorrow."

"Let's."

Sebastian kissed his four head and hugged the younger as he slowly drifted asleep. Sebastian was still awake and stroked the younger's hair with a smile. He liked how Ciel wanted to thank him through dinner. It was cute.

He laid there a hour or so, just looking at the other sleep peacefully. Without noticing, falling asleep as well.

Ciel was sitting in his bed, drinking his cup of coffee. His hair was messy and he was half naked. Sebastian had made him a cup before heading to work. Ciel was still half asleep and was tired from staying up that late. He used to be up until 2-3 but not on school days. He always got so tired in the morning.

He rubbed his face and went to put some clothes on. He would have to take some more coffee with him. He pulled on a dark green long sleeved shirt and dark blue, out washed jeans. He sighed and poured coffee into a vacuum and put it on the counter as he went to pack his stuff.

If they still had problems in school and they could be home one day more he would hit someone, he hated to go to school and see that they was supposed to be home. He put his jacket on and put the cigarettes in his pocket, got his coffee and walked outside. He locked the door and took a sip from the hot drink. He put it in his bag again to save it for school and took his package of cigarettes, lighting one and putting it between his lips.

He spotted Alois getting off the bus and called for him. He waited the other in and they walked together.

"Oh you still got? Can I?"

"Yeah, though it's my last."

He handed Alois the soon out burned second cigarette. Alois smiled and took it.

"Take the rest, it's my second today."

"Wow man it's like nine in the morning. I'm not even that addicted."

"Huh, you are though."

"Nu huh."

Ciel rolled his eyes and took his coffee instead, sipping on it as they walked. Alois patted his shoulder and Ciel turned to him to get smoke in his face. He coughed and the blonde laughed.

"We both should stop blowing out smoke in each other's faces."

"We should… But we know that won't last long."

Ciel shrugged, his friend was right. They walked into the building and said bye for the moment as they got their supplies and books. Ciel was hanging his jacket in his locker as some girls walked by and gossiped, he was sure he spotted familiar blonde twin tails in the group and he turned slowly to look the way they headed. If it was Lizzie, he had to commit suicide, right there. He would not handle her in school as well as the few times he met her.

He heard a giggle from the girl and he was convinced. It was Lizzie. He kicked his locker and cursed under his breath.

_Why in the world would she start in this shitty school? She was at a fringing private school for girls before. Why me?_

He slammed the locker shut and walked down to his classroom. He had to get this out, Alois knew how much he hated her, after first period. When they had art together he could vent to him. He sat down in a chair in the back and waited for the classroom to fill. He pulled out his phone and looked at the message he had gotten. From Lizzie? Really… he opened and read through.

'_I'm starting your school today Ciel so we'll meet pretty often.'_

The boy wanted to gag. If she got to close he'd slap her. Class begun and the teacher began to write numbers on the board.

Ciel met Alois outside their class room and immediately pulled him away from the black haired male ha was talking to.

"Hey bitch I was talking to-"

"_She's_ here."

"What-"

"Lizzie, my cousin that put gum in your hair when we were kids. She's here. _In our school."_

"Well I can't forget that bitch so easy. I had to cut my fucking hair thanks to her!"

"I know."

"Why is she here?"

I don't fucking know! Go ask her."

"I'm not asking."

"Then it'll be kept a mystery…."

Alois sighed and leaned against the wall, he had never liked Lizzie either. First she thought he was a girl and then the gum thing… Later that on she had tried to kiss him and when he told her he was gay and would never kiss a whore like her, she had hit him, right on the nose and caused him to bleed. Of course, like the person Alois was, he had hit back.

"Well just ignore her."

"I'll try."

Ciel mumbled and sat down on the dirty floor. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. And he had thought he wouldn't see her until Christmas. But no, he had to deal with her until next summer when he graduated.

He hit the back of his head against the wall a couple of times and groaned.

"Why is she here, like, she'll have at least one class with me."

"Just fucking forget her. Act like she's still in that snob school."

Ciel groaned again. Alois sighed and a teacher came up to them telling them that the class was canceled for the day.

"Great, let's go out, I need my cancer."

Ciel rolled his eyes and got up and followed him out to the back side of the school where they usually smoked. Alois lit one as fast they got outside the door. Ciel took one himself, maybe it could help him to calm down a bit.

"So hey, were your parents at a holiday or some shit?"

"Yeah, great parents huh. Just traveling away the day after their only son lost his eye."

"Dude, they really treat you like shit."

"I know."

"Why do they? It's not like you murdered the queen."

Alois said and wiped some snow of a bench before sitting down and tilted his head. Ciel sighed and walked closer to him and sat down on his lap.

"You know they hate me because I don't want to live like them and apparently I am a disgrace for our family. If they knew I was fucking gay they'd murder _me_. You know how my parents are."

Ciel turned his head a bit to the side to breath out some smoke and then turned back to his friend. Alois felt sorry for him, he always wanted to sheer him up and make him smile. He didn't like it when Ciel was sad or hurt.

"Hey…at least you got parents."

Ciel looked him in the eye with a sad expression and furrowed his brows. He knew that Alois had lost both his parents when he was younger and then lived at a foster family that treated him bad. The mother had used him like a slave so he had to clean the house and make the food for the family. At first they didn't want to pay for his education. Then Alois got a job when he was sixteen. Ciel hadn't liked his new job but Alois had said it was for the money and he needed them if he wanted to get into a good school. He did earn a lot, but selling his body didn't seem to be a good in Ciel's eyes. He noticed that the blonde had been feeling bad from it and would often not be in gym class because he had gotten hickeys and bruises on his skin.

He didn't do it anymore though. He had stopped after a unfortunate day when he had been standing in a alley and waited for someone to come and pick him up, the man that had told him to be there was stinking of alcohol and had pushed him against the cold wall and began to kiss his neck. Alois had said that he only had paid for a blow job and he wouldn't do more, he never had let anyone enter him before. Only touch him and leave marks. He was scared to let them do anything to him and they had listened to his orders and what they could do and not. But this man was already removing the blondes clothes and his hands all over his body. Alois had started to scream for help but he was silenced by a slap across the cheek and then was shoved into a car.

He had then been tied by his wrists and the man had taken Alois' underwear and shoved them into his mouth so he wouldn't sound too much. That was when another kind of hell started for the young boy. After the man was done he had threw him out from the car and driven away, still drunk. Alois had laid on the ground in the alley for hours and cried and he had threw up a couple of times. It had taken him five hours to actually sit up and try to put his clothes back on. It was starting to get bright outside and he wanted to hide somewhere.

It was a Saturday morning and luckily he still had his phone and he had called for Ciel. It was four in the morning and Ciel had rushed there to get his friend. He was leaning against a wall and crying. He hadn't gone home in three days after that, he was to scared. When Alois had told his parents that he had been raped they just scrunched their noses and called him a whore and that it was his fault. That was when he moved out, he took all the money he had earned and bought a small apartment.

Ciel still remember every detail of when they found the man who had done it and at court Alois had asked if Ciel could sit with him, he wanted support. It ended up with the man being freed and that had sent Alois into depression. He was scared he might meet him again. Ciel had sworn to protect him and he still was going to hold his promise.

Ciel shook his head at the blonde and wrapped his arms around him. He hated to think of his horrid past.

"Don't say that Alois…."

He mumbled and patted his head gently as he pulled away.

"I'm sorry…I know how you feel about _that_….I'm sorry."

"Don't be, just forget about it."

Alois nodded and nuzzled his chest with a small giggle. Ciel rolled his eyes and continued to pat his head. Alois breathed in some smoke and smiled at Ciel.

"Come here, I'd like to thank you with some smoke."

He said with a grin and breathed out into his mouth like before. He smiled and leaned back again.

"It's nice doing this with you. But it's better with Claude."

"Why? Am I not good enough anymore?"

Ciel said and pretended to sound sad and hurt and he put a hand over his chest. Alois laughed and shook his head.

"I don't think you wanna do it like we two do it. Basically we breath into each other's moths then make out."

"We can if you waant."

Ciel mused with a smile and wiggled his butt.

"Are you that desperate?"

He smirked and giggled as Ciel narrowed his eyes on him.

"I am not, but you're so cute I can't stand myself."

"Me cute?"

"Yepp."

Alois threw his cigarette on the snow and wrapped his arms around Ciel's waist.

"Yeah sure."

"But you are Alois. And you know it."

"Ugh, fine. I'm cute."

Alois said and rolled his eyes before stealing Ciel's half cigarette.

"Wanna try it then?"

He asked and breathed in. Should he? Well, it's just for fun, they both bot boyfriends, or lovers. Whatever you would like to call them. Ciel nodded with a shrug and leaned a bit up as the other leaned down, he breathed into his mouth and let the some smoke stay as he locked their lips together. After a minute they pulled away and Alois smiled.

"Didn't know you were that good at kissing."

He got off of Ciel and gave him back the cigarette. He pulled the other up and brushed some snow of his ass.

"It's lunch now so let's go eat. And too bad we made a deal we wouldn't hook up, you're good."

He said with a smirk and they walked back in and against the cafeteria.

"Well, you're still all over me."

"Shut up."

Alois mumbled and got a tray to put his food on, Ciel did the same. Ciel took a sandwich with chicken and cheese on it, you can heat it up in a microwave. He took some mineral water and walked to heat his food. Alois had walked over to sit at a table and waited for him. The cobalt haired boy walked over to him and sat down. He sighed and began to eat.

A high pitch squeal was heard and both the boys flinched at the familiar sound. _Fuck._ Was the only word going through both of the boys heads. Lizzie came up to them and sat down at the table with her lunch. Alois groaned as more girls came and sat down at their table.

"Can you fucking not?"

"What? You two looked so lonely I thought you might like us to sit with you."

"Bitch I don't want you near me."

Ciel just sat silent and tried to enjoy his lunch. Though he was with Alois, he didn't want them to sit there.

"Don't call me that."

"Okay look, I'm not sorry but can you just leave."

"No, we're eating."

"Then fucking fine ass!"

Alois said and took his drink and walked away, Ciel who had finished his food while the other two was fighting stood up and followed Alois quickly, but his plans were stopped when Lizzie grabbed his wrist.

"You shouldn't hang out with him. He's bad for you."

"I have hung out with him for like 16 years I think I am good and you don't choose my friends."

Ciel snapped at the girl and yanked his arm away and ran after his friend to get away from his cousin. She was really pissing him of now. Did she start this school to get Ciel on _other thoughts_? She can't decide his life, he's not going to end up like his parents.

"Sebastian, I am home."

He didn't get a reply from the other and he frowned, he always said 'welcome home' and ran from the room he was in to hug him. He took of his shoes and put them to the side and removed his jacket. He looked inside the kitchen, his room and the living room but he was nowhere to be found, he could be in the bathroom though. He walked up to his small bathroom and opened the door. It wasn't any sign of the male but there was a bath drawn with rose paddles and bubbles, and on the sink there was lit candles.

Ciel gawked lightly and heard small footsteps behind him and he turned around and looked at the naked man and blushed a bit. Was this all for him?

"I made us a bath."

"Wait, _we_ are going to take a bath?"

"Yeah, I supposed that we are in a relationship now so I thought I might do something for you."

"Wait…a relationship?"

"Yeah, you said you thought you felt the same and yeah, we made out."

Ciel was quiet and looked at him. Did he want a relationship? What if he was to clingy and Sebastian would leave him because he's not the perfect boyfriend. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on the floor.

"I guess we are."

He said and the older wrapped his arms around him and soon pulled down is pants and underwear, tossing them in the same direction as his shirt and lifted him up and set him down in the tub. The younger smiled and scooted over to the other side to make place for the other male. When they both were in he was pulled to sit in his lap, his back against Sebastian's chest. It was nice, to be like this. He closed his eyes and relaxed. Sebastian rested his head a top of his and closed his eyes as well.

It was smelling really good from the candles and the rose paddles. He sighed and cuddled back into his chest.

"You look so cute naked."

Sebastian whispered into his ear with a smile on his lip and a small chuckle. Ciel's eyes widened and he splashed some water back at him and turned to face him, not bothering to hide his light pink blush.

"Don't say such things!"

Ciel mumbled and narrowed his eyes as he looked at him. Sebastian only laughed and pulled him into a hug. He nuzzled the younger's head and smiled. The boy mumbled for himself and pressed his cheek against his chest and frowned lightly.

"I am not cute."

"You are, you've always been."

Ciel shook his head and looked up at the other. He had been called cute when he was a kid, when his parents still thought he wouldn't turn into this.

"Ciel, I'll call you cute if I want to."

"Fine. But I am not cute."

Sebastian shrugged and ran a hand trough the younger's hair and smiled at him. His hair was soft and lightly wet in the tips from the water. His eyes traveled over to the dull blue one and he sighed, running his hand down to his right cheek and rubbed his thumb next to his eye gently. Ciel was still and watched him, he looked like he was about to cry. Ciel's face softened and leaned into the touch.

"What is it?"

The boy asked and put his hand over his and looked into his eyes.

"It feels like it's my fault you got hurt."

"It wasn't, I stopped in the middle of the road to buckle up. That has nothing to do with you."

"But still, I can't shake that feeling away."

Sebastian said with a smile and leaned forward to kiss his four head. And Ciel sighed.

"Stop blaming yourself Sebastian, really. It wasn't your fault."

He smiled kindly and leaned his head against his chest and relaxed in the water.

"Was this cheesy of me to do? Like, the whole 'roses and lit candles' bath?"

"Yes. But I like it."

"Good."

About one week had passed and it had turned into December, and Ciel's birthday was in nine days. Lizzie had told him she was throwing a party for him and that everyone would come there. He had said no the fist t twenty times but after a while he said yes. He just wanted to get rid of her.

While the days had passed Sebastian and Ciel was growing closer and closer. It felt great to have someone to hold on to when you felt bad. Sebastian had gotten a break from his work from December to February. Ciel still had school for another three weeks or so. It was Saturday morning in their little apartment they had shared for a while now.

They had eaten breakfast and Ciel was studying for a test next week. He really didn't want to fail German. He wanted to learn the language. It was rather hard but he manage to get a C last year. Sebastian was watching TV and waiting for him to be done with his studies, he wanted to tease him while working. But he knew better and could wait until he was done, he could tease him then.

He groaned loudly and closed his book and stretched. He stood up and walked over to the sofa where the older was sitting in, he laid down with his head in his lap and sighed. He nuzzled his thigh lightly and closed his eyes.

"Done?"

"Yeah. And that's all I'm doing this weekend. Fucking hate studying."

"Well if you wanna graduate like me with a good grade you have to."

"Hahaha. Funny."

"What, I had great scores."

Ciel chuckled lowly and smirked as he looked up at the older.

"You wanna do something fun?"

"Like what?"

The boy smiled and moved to sit on his lap and straddled him. He kissed his neck softly and moved his left hand down to caress the others groin. He earned a low moan from the other.


	7. heart break

Ciel kneeled in front of the older and licked over his member with a small smirk. He dipped his tongue into the slit and sucked on the head, humming softly. Sebastian was moaning and had his fingers tangled in his grayish hair. Ciel soon began to bob his head over the shaft and looked up at Sebastian. He had his hands on his hips.

Sebastian leaned his head back as he felt his tight hot mouth around his now erected dick. He pulled away and let his saliva drip on it before sucking it again, coating it so it would be slippery. Sebastian sucked on his own fingers before moving them to Ciel's ass and pressed two in. He yelped softly and pulled away again, this time to sit up in his lap and get stretched.

The other scissored his fingers and Ciel moaned into his ear. He could feel himself getting hard just by having his fingers inside him.

"Ahhh..I can't stand it anymore..take me."

He moaned and then was shoved down on the sofa with his legs spread. Sebastian laid down on top of him and kissed him gently but deep, he rubbed against his thigh and moaned lowly. Ciel tugged in his hair and gasped softly, wanting more of the man. It felt like his body was on fire and only Sebastian could extinguish it. He moaned and ran is tongue over his and pressed against him. Sebastian's hands were roaming over his exposed skin and at some points grabbed his ass a bit roughly and squeezed it.

Ciel was going crazy, he needed him inside, now. To his liking, the older started to rub against his poorly stretched entrance. He knew it would hurt but he could bear it. He slowly felt the head pressed in and he wrapped his legs around his waist. His breathing hitched up and he closed his eyes and felt a kiss on his four head to ease the pain. He opened his eyes and smiled faintly at him as he was further stretched. He hissed lowly and gripped the sofa in his fists, his knuckled turning white as he felt Sebastian all the way in. He panted already and small tears fell down his cheeks.

Gentle caresses was laid on his sides and kissed over his neck. Ciel moaned lowly and moved his ass in small circles but hissed in pain.

"Don't move Ciel…you have to adjust first.."

He mumbled into his ear and continued to kiss a spot under his ear. Ciel shivered and leaned is head to the side and clawed gently on his back. He felt even hotter and turned into a puddle of goo as his weak spot was kissed. He gasped and moaned lowly and felt less and less pain.

He once again started to move and Sebastian moved with him. He was slowly pulling out and push in again. He breathed against the younger's neck and took his left hand and entwined their fingers. He looked down at his flushed face and smiled. Ciel took a deep shaky breath that turned into a moan.

"M-move already…"

Sebastian chuckled lowly and moved faster, with his free hand caressing his waist in circles. The younger lightly dug his nails into the back of his hands and looked up at him with glanced over eyes. He had wanted this for some days now and he finally got it, to have Sebastian inside him. It hadn't come to the point that he had asked him or tried to do something more than kissing. But he deeply desired the older. He had some influence no one else had on him. The sofa creaked and groaned as the movements became faster.

He heard low grunts and sighs from the older as their play became rougher. Ciel's moan was loud and hoped his neighbors didn't hear, it wasn't a very sound proof apartment he was living in. A choked gasp escaped his lips as a certain spot inside him was hit that made him see white stars and he felt his dick twitch. Sebastian smiled and memorized his prostate and hit it over and over again.

The younger bit his lip and escaped his grip and wrapped his arms around Sebastian's neck, pulling him down in a kiss. It was not a rather long kiss, just a peck on the lips before Sebastian pulled away and groaned.

"Harder…"

Ciel moaned and looked at the elder with small tears in his eyes, some falling down his cheeks. Sebastian licked them away and held him tight as he hit his prostate and the younger cried out. It had felt so good, licked he could cum right then, but he held in for just a little while more.

"Aahh…ah, S-Sebastian…again."

He moaned and pressed his ass back to meet his thrusts that was hitting his prostate dead on. Ciel bit his lip and felt pre cum drip down his dick and onto his torso. He couldn't hold back much longer and his breathing speed up. He didn't have the chance to warn him before spreading his white seed over their upper bodies with a choked cry. His muscles clinching down on the throbbing organ inside him.

His mind went blank as he rode into his orgasm and leaned his head back. He gasped softly and got shaken out of his high when he felt a hot liquid was spurted against his prostate. He moaned and shuddered as he felt himself get filled up with his cum. The younger had his eyes closed and breathed heavy, trying to calm it down.

Sebastian was grunting lowly and pulled out from the boy, earning a whimper from the los and wired feeling from not being full. The sofa they were laying on wasn't to big but if they laid on their sides it could work. Sebastian tiredly wrapped his arms around him and laid them down, facing each other. He was pulled close and still a bit light headed.

Ciel closed his eyes and cuddled up to the older and soon fell asleep. Sebastian who still was awake was running a hand through the boys lightly sweaty hair with a tired smile. He kissed his head before relaxing and trying to fall asleep as well, it was still in the middle of the day but a bit rest wouldn't hurt him.

Alois choked on his coffee and coughed, brushing saliva from his lip.

"You two fucking did it?!"

The dark haired boy sighed, telling Alois was a good and a bad thing. He wouldn't shut up about it and probably tell Claude. But, he wouldn't go further than telling one person, he wasn't like that. Some people may think he is due his appearance, but he's the nicest guy he have met.

"Yes Alois. And don't be so fucking loud or the whole café will hear you!"

He hissed at his friend who had a lot of eyes on him from yelling.

"O, I'll pipe down… First question, did you take the first step?"

"Yeah. I did..actually."

"That's great man. Hope that made you a bit happy. You've seem so down lately….is there, something wrong?"

Ciel furrowed his brows and looked at the boy. He had been a bit depressed over his birthday and well, planning on telling his parents he was gay. He was thinking of ways to tell them but it could only end in one way; his parents hating him forever.

"Well…I'm thinking about telling my parents that I'm gay…you know, get out of the closet."

"What, really? When?"

"On my birthday…"

"Oh."

Ciel could see the worried and pained expression on his face. He knew how this could end. The blonde boy stood up and walked over to the other and hugged him.

"When you do it, I'll be right there and support you."

"Thanks, but you don't have to-"

"Ciel I know what could happen to _you_ if you didn't have the right support when it happens."

Ciel pulled away from the hug and nodded. Who knows, he could break down into a mess and do something really stupid. Alois went back to his seat and smiled.

"Let's not talk about it more. So… how was _it_?"

Ciel smiled at his friend and took a sip from his coffee before answering.

"It was good. And I'm looking forward to do it again soon."

"Hahahha! Oh Ciel."

"How is it going for you and Claude?"

"Pretty well. He has called me a lot the past week and we have a date later today."

"How great…ugh, I feel like a teenage girl who talks about her relationship…"

"You are."

Alois teased and giggled. Well, all of it was true except the girl part. The blonde boys phone rang and he answered.

"Yes hello?...Claude hi!"

Ciel sighed and stopped paying attention to the shattering blonde on the phone. He sipped on his drink and looked around at the people. There was mostly girls in there. He saw some girls from school and tried to over hear their chat while waiting for his friend to be done. He didn't catch up what they talked about but he heard the words; 'he's so gonna do it I swear!', 'tch, not like he's not.' , 'Are they doing it on Monday?' and 'that bitch won't get a thing.'

Girl's talking wasn't rather interesting so he went back to looking at the blonde smiling and moving his mouth while speaking to hi so called boyfriend now. Finally he hung up and turned to Cieel.

"Sorry, it was Claude."

Yeah I figured."

"Well, he's coming over here to pick me up soon. So I can't hang out so much longer."

"It's okay, I'll run home and suck some dick."

"That's the spirit Ciel!"

Alois lit up and waved his hand at the door, obviously Claude had come. Ciel turned to look at him, he hadn't seen how he looked like yet. He spotted the black haired man who walked towards them and figured it was him. He was similar looking like Sebastian, black hair that was styled in a different way than other men, black nail polish and pale skin. He was rather attractive to, but looked quite old, maybe 25? He had to ask Alois later. Ciel didn't want him to run around with him if he was that old, it could end bad.

Claude leaned down to capture Alois in a hello kiss. Ciel leaned his head against his palm and sighed. He could see their tongues run against each other's and some lip biting. It was no longer a hello kiss and instead a full make out session, and in the café. Ciel shifted uncomfortably. It did turn him on a bit.

Finally they pulled away and Alois was lightly flushed.

"As you might have guessed this is Claude."

Alois said and pointed at the older of the three that was now sitting down next to Alois, placing his hand on the blondes thigh.

"Well you wouldn't make out with anyone else like that in public."

He said with a smirk and watched his friend stick his tongue out.

"Yeah, well…. I don't just wanna leave you, Claude, do you mind sitting here a bit.

"No, I just walked here and sitting down won't hurt a bit."

He said with a smile and kissed his cheek. Ciel rolled his eyes once more.

"You know you can leave right? As you know Alois, I said I'd go home and suck some Michaelis dick now."

He stood up and hugged his friend goodbye.

"See you on Monday."

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday had past and now it was 4 days left to his birthday and he was starting to get stressed. Lizzie had given him the exact time and place, Sunday. On his actual birthday, he wished he just could go out and eat dinner with Sebastian instead of that. His parents would be there so he would tell them, then go home with Sebastian and just relax.

Alois was invited of course, even how much Lizzie hated to do it she knew Ciel wasn't going to go, and it was his party, so he invited whom he wanted to. Alois was going to bring Claude so they could get wasted and make out against the wall. His parents were only there for a short time, to say happy birth day and then leave.

Ciel scratched a nail over his school desk and sighed.

Sunday, it was that fearful day and it had begun. Ciel was still in his bed sleeping as Sebastian prepared him breakfast on the bed. He was hugging a pillow instead of his boyfriend, trying to get the cozy warmth back.

He could hear a faint singing, sounding more like mumbling. He fluttered his eyes open and moved to lay on his stomach and looked at the singing man with a tired smile. Sebastian was holding a tray with a small candle on, some sort of drink, toast and cake. He put it down on the bed side table as he was done singing the familiar song. He got a kiss on the cheek and a caress on his back.

"Happy birthday _my_ Ciel."

"Thanks."

He said and stretched his arms and crossed them, leaning his head on them.

"I don't look forward for today."

"Me neither… But we can do something during the week. A long, sweet date."

He said and ruffled is hair and walked out to the kitchen and soon returned to him with a small present.

"Nooo. You didn't have to really."

"It might share you up today."

He handed him the black little bow with white ribbons tied in a very fancy manner. He sighed and opened it. He took the lid of and looked inside it. He sailed bright and looked up at Sebastian.

"Really?"

"Really."

Sebastian had a sweet smile and sat down on the bed, caressing his back. Ciel took the object out from the small box and smiled, it was a silvery, thin chain. He ran it around his fingers and smiled.

"Don't tell me this is silver."

"It's not…It's white gold."

He smiled and kissed his neck.

"It was rather cheep for being such a valuable thing. Just like you, but you weren't cheep."

Ciel smiled and handed it to Sebastian so he could put it on. He reached for the toast and munched on it.

"I love you so much Sebastian."

Sebastian smiled and pulled him to sit up. He kissed his cheek.

"Eat now so we can get ready for this shitty day."

"Yeah, you're right."

Ciel sat up in the bed and munched on the perfect brow toasts. The party started at six pm and went on until the last persons left. Ciel was nervous for telling his parents, he told Alois to be there, but not next to him. He would wait at the toilet and he would go there right after telling them so the blonde could comfort him of some kind.

When he had finished breakfast he got dressed in some black jeans and a gray long sleeved shirt with a hoodie that had its arms cut of as a t-shirt. He sighed and walked to the bathroom to fix his hair in place and then walked over to where Sebastian was seated on the sofa with a smile, waiting for the younger.

"Looking good as always kitten."

Sebastian teased and stood up to slap his ass as he walked passed and out to the hall to put on his dirty boots. Ciel yelped and walked after him and put on his winter boots. They were heavy and dark gray. It was 3 pm already and the way to Lizzie's house where she held the party was two hours away so they better get going.

In the car the radio was on, pretty high and Sebastian was singing along to the songs that the station played on random. Ciel was giggling and laughing next to him and was actually feeling happy. Though things could turn down . Ciel smiled as a hand was placed on his thigh and rubbed it gently as he stopped singing.

Sebastian smiled at him before returning his hand to the steering wheel and his gaze to the road. Ciel took his phone out to call Alois. He typed in his number and waited.

"_Sup."_

"Hi, you're on your way to the party right?"

"_Yeah, relax man. Me and Claude are already there….but we went to take a coffee."_

"Oh, great. I just don't want to be alone with Lizzie…."

"What do you mean? I'm here as well Ciel."

Sebastian commented and made a small turn to the right. Ciel rolled his eyes.

"Well, we're getting there in like ten minutes. Meet us at the house."

"_Okay, we'll be there Ciel. Love you."_

"Thanks man. Love you too."

Sebastian smiled and drove into the rich part of the neighborhood. Ciel shivered, he hated the people who was rich and acted like they ruled the world. Did as they like, looking down on others, spoiling their seven year old kids with I phones and computers. Ciel hated the kids now a days that was complaining about relationships, money, sex and went to parties at thirteen years old. They don't know pain.

The car stopped at the house and Alois and Claude has already arrived. They are standing close to each other to share warmth and Alois' face was buried in Claude's chest. They both got out and there was already people there, quite a lot to. He walked up to Alois and tapped his shoulder. He turned to the dark haired boy and smiled.

"Happy birthday Ciel!"

He said and wrapped his arms around him. Ciel smiled and thanked the boy. The four of them got inside to get the cold away and was meet by glasses of drinks. Alois took his shoes of and took two glasses, one for him, one for Claude. He was partly here for the free alcohol. Ciel would find him when his parents came here.

The other pair had already ran away to get drunk, but Alois knew he had to wait to go all the way in to dizziness. Ciel tried to avoid Lizzie and walked with Sebastian to the living room to relax. More folk started to fill the rooms and it was past eight now. Alois was still rather sober and had his mind in the game. Ciel was starting to feel obnoxious as he heard the voice of Lizzie and his mother talk, soon joined by his father. She knew he was sitting in here and told them to go see him.

Ciel texted Alois fast and told him to go to the toilet and wait, he was going to tell them now. He turned to Sebastian and told him to stay here while going to the toilet. He didn't know why he lied, he just didn't want him to worry. He stood up and walked out to the hall to meet his parents there.

"Ah. There you are son. Happy birthday."

Rachel said with a smile and hugged her son while Vincent, his father just nodded his head lightly as a greeting. It was now or never…. He had to tell them.

"Mom, dad..I'd like to tell you something important."

He said as his mother pulled away and nodded, looking a bit worried. Ciel sighed deeply.

"I don't know how to say it in another way than this so I'm just gonna get to the point. I'm gay."

There was a second of silence before his ears ringed and his cheek was burning as his father had slapped him across the cheek. He gasped and held the red cheek and felt tears in his eyes but held them back.

"What did you say son?"

"I'm gay."

He repeated and expected another slap so he flinched a bit. But nothing more happened so he looked at them. His mother looked like she was about to cry and his father looked angry, very angry.

"You are not gay Ciel."

"The fuck do you know! What's wrong if I am gay!?"

"Everything. It has taken long time to accept that you don't want o be religious. Now you're telling me you are gay."

"Yes, and so what. Love is love no matter what gender the two are!"

They were quiet, to quiet. Soon Rachel left the room and walked back out to the car. Vincent stepped closer and held his collar in a tight grip.

"You're not my son anymore."

He said before letting go and walk after his wife. Ciel was shaking slightly and tears welled up his eyes. What did his father just say? He's not his son anymore… He bit his lip and covered his mouth with a hand as he ran towards the bathroom where Alois was standing and saw him come half running there. He opened the door and let the scared boy walk in fast before he followed and locked the door after them.

Ciel collapsed on the floor crying and the blonde sat down and wrapped his arms around him. His shoulders trembled as he sobbed loudly and hid his face in his friends neck. Alois wondered what had happened, but asking maybe wasn't good right now, he needed to calm down.

Ciel took deep shaky breath as he cried, he hated his parents he hated them. He hated himself.

Sebastian was starting to get concerned, Ciel went to the toilet a good twenty minutes ago. He stood up and walked towards the toilet and knocked on the door.

"Ciel, are you in there?"

Ciel's eyes widened as he heard his boyfriend and he shook his head and looked at Alois trying to keep his sobbing quiet. He wanted Sebastian to comfort him as well but still he didn't want him to know about this. But, he had to tell him and nodded and answered with a raspy voice.

"Y-yes."

He motioned Alois to open the door. He heard it unlocked and in no time he had Sebastian around his shoulders holding him tight.

"What happened, are you hurt?"

"Alois..y-you can leave."

"Are you sure?"

Ciel nodded and smiled faintly to tell him he was okay. Alois closed the door and walked away to Claude again.

Sebastian stood up to lock the door again and soon was sitting on the floor again, pulling Ciel to sit with him as he leaned against the wall. Ciel was clinging to him and he had a firm grip of his shirt as he stained it with tears. He caressed the younger's back and kissed his head to calm him and whispered sweet nothings in his ear.

It seemed Ciel couldn't calm down and the high music and partying didn't make it better. He sighed and picked the crying boy up and opened the door and walked down the hall, putting on his shoes and then helping Ciel with his before taking his jacket and picking up him again and walked to the car. He didn't want to let Ciel go but he had to. He sat him in the passenger seat and kissed his head before starting the long drive home.

Ciel was starting to fall asleep and some small sobs were only heard. They had been driving for a little more than a hour now so they were soon home.

Now Ciel was asleep and Sebastian took the younger's phone and called Alois.

"_Hi Ciel! Oh my god how are you? is everything alright?"_

"It's Sebastian."

"_Oh, hi Sebs."_

"What happened to Ciel? I know you know it Alois, so tell me."

Alois was quiet for a while before he sighed and he heard him tell Claude to stop kissing his neck.

"_You know his parents came to the party. And was…thinking about telling them…you know. That he is gay."_

Sebastian nodded and changed file, speeding up a bit.

"_Well, he told them and by the state he was in when he came running, crying from it I don't think they took it so good. I don't know what they said or did, he was crying too hard to tell me and asking wasn't the best thing right then…."_

"Alois, I'll tell you if I get to know what happened. "

"_Yes thank you. I have to go now, Claude is dry humping the shit out of me and I don't know if I can talk normal in a minute so bye, tell Ciel I said hi."_

"Hah…yeah, I will. Make sure to be able to walk tomorrow."

He could hear a moan before Alois hung up and probably went to fuck with his boyfriend.

Sebastian laid the phone back in Ciel's pocket and parked the car and got out. He walked over to the other side to pick him out and locked the car, walking up to their apartment.


	8. I know I'm stupid

Ciel was a bit surprised as he woke up in his bed with Sebastian holding him against his chest. The last thing he remembered was crying in the car, longer than that he didn't _want _to remember. He cringed and in the same time he felt the soft caresses on his hips, waist and stomach that Sebastian gave him. He took a deep shaky breath. He felt soft lips press against his neck and he closed his eyes. He wanted last night to never have happened.

"Why did I tell them?"

He asked in a hoarse voice and put his hand over the elder's. He fought back the tears and opened his eyes again and turned his body to face Sebastian and cuddled into his chest.

"Because you want them to accept you, and to know who you are. It's good you told them."

He mumbled into his dark grey locks and kissed his head, moving his hand up and down his back. He wanted to ask, so badly, what happened really.

"May I ask what happened?"

Ciel pressed against him and nodded weakly against his chest. He had to tell him.

"I went to talk to them… I told them straight forward…I-I was gay."

He took a deep breath and choked on his words before beginning again.

"Then..my dad s-slapped me. That's about it…"

He nuzzled his face against his chest and felt a few tears make their way down his cheeks. Ciel heard Sebastian's heart beats and it calmed him, as well as his touches. He loved Sebastian, that wouldn't change, it never would. But his self steam just got worse. Breathing in the scent of his lover he smiled faintly and looked up at him.

"Let's forget that. I'm hungry."

He could see that Sebastian was angry with himself, maybe for not being there when it happened to protect him, and of course his dad who had hit him. Sebastian let go of the younger and nodded, kissing his head before picking him p and walked to the kitchen. He sat him down on the counter and kissed him on the lips with a smile.

Sebastian started making waffles and glanced over at Ciel who was sitting on the counter. The younger was looking down on his lap and didn't speak or do anything. He didn't move until Sebastian gave him a plate with new baked waffles with ice cream and chocolate syrup. He smiled and kissed Sebastian before digging in.

He was fast done with his food and smiled at Sebastian, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.

"I'm gonna take a shower, thanks for the breakfast."

He said and jumped down from the counter and walked to his room and got new boxers, sweat pants and long sleeved shirt. He walked in and locked the door before taking of his old boxers and threw them in the wash basket. He sighed and took a small box from the cabinet and rooted forward a brand new razor. He glanced over at the door and he heard Sebastian outside, doing the dishes.

He took it and placed the box back and went into the shower, turning the water on and let it stay cold, he liked cold showers. He sat down in the tub and hesitantly pressed the blade against his wrist before snapping it and watch as blood slowly appeared and mixed with the water, dripping down in the tub. It felt good, the pain. It was a while ago since he did this the last time. He pressed the sharp item against is soft skin again and made a deeper cut. This time more blood came welling up and colour the water slightly pink. He started crying again. This brought back old memories and the ones from yesterday. He started to tremble and tried to keep quiet as he continued to fill his pale skin with deep red wounds.

He was sitting curled up in the tub and his face hidden in his knees that was brought up to his chest. He sobbed silently and he wished Sebastian didn't come in now, the door was locked yes but then he had to open it and he would see this.

His eyes widened for a second and he turned the water of. How was he going to sleep with him now, in both ways. He had to wear a long sleeved shirt whatever he did now. He had totally forgot about that. He swore under his breath and took a dark pillow so the blood wouldn't be noticed.

He bit his lip as the wounds he made still was bleeding. He reached for the first aid and took some bandage to wrap around his arms, they went up all the way to his biceps and it was disgusting him a bit, that they were so many and so deep.

Quickly he wrapped the white fabric around both his arms and secured it before putting on clothes. He made sure he looked fine as he stepped out and walked to the kitchen where Sebastian was sitting, wearing clothes ready to go out.

"I said we were going to go out and eat tonight because it'll be a better party than the one yesterday."

He said smiling and stood up, wrapping his arms around him. Ciel leaned into him and smiled, wrapping his arms around his waist. He loved how caring he was.

"Yes, right…. Shall we go then?"

He asked and pulled away, leaning up and kissed him gently. He was going to pull away but was pulled up and kissed deeper, the elders tongue slipped into his mouth and he allowed it happily to move around in his carven. He wrapped his arms around his neck and stood on his toes, Sebastian's hand moving up under his shirt and caressed his waist, pulling him closer.

Soon they pulled away and breathed against each other's lips, the older smirking. Ciel rested his head against his chest. He didn't deserve Sebastian, he was so nice and caring. _I'm not worth him._ That was the only words that was on his mind as they were walking down the stairs to the car, Sebastian having his arm over the others shoulder.

"You seem down Ciel… I know how you must feel but I'm here for you."

_You don't._

"I'm fine, just thinking."

"Don't think too much about _it_. If you do you'll end up doing something stupid, okay?"

_Already done._

"Okay. Let's forget that and have fun now."

He mumbled to get of the topic and flashed him a smile as he leaned forward a bit to kiss him.

At the restaurant as they ate his wrists started to hurt and he flinched slightly in pain at some moments. Though he was making the best of the time he had with his boyfriend. He was still feeling bad, not knowing what for. He just couldn't stop blaming everything on himself.

He could feel Sebastian scooting closer and wrapping a arm around his waist and leaned to his ear and smirked. Ciel shivered lightly and put down his fork, afraid he would drop it if the other did something. He felt a light nib on his ear lobe and he gasped.

"Should we go home? I'm rather turned on…"

He whispered into his ear and breathed softly against his neck. Ciel shivered again and bit his lip, he wanted to, but then it had to be with a shirt on, a long sleeved shirt. Sebastian wouldn't want that, he knew he loved touching his skin. Another gasp, more a moan, escaped his lips as his hand caressed his inner thigh.

"S-Sebastian..what are you doing?"

"Turning you on."

Ciel blushed and leaned his head to the side and moaned lowly into his palm.

"S-Sebastian stop.."

"Can we take this in the car? I'll stop if you say yes."

"F-fine.."

He mumbled, hoping that he could keep his shirt on, he could blame that it was cold and he wanted it on. He stood up and let his lover out before heading to the car. They couldn't do it on the parking lot outside a restaurant so Sebastian derived into a nearby forest where they could be alone.

As the car stopped Sebastian fixed so his seat moved back a little and they had more space. He held his arms open for Ciel to crawl over to him. He did and straddled his lap and smiled faintly.

"Where were we?"

The raven haired male asked and ran a hand over his bum and then riding it up the back of his shirt. Ciel moaned lowly and leaned down to kiss him. Even how obnoxious he was right now he wanted this badly. He ground his hips down against his and coaxed his tongue into his mouth.

Sebastian was unbuttoning his own pants as Ciel grind against him, moaning. He lifted his body up so the elder could remove his pants and then started to take his own off, his underwear following. He once again rocked their hips together and moaned, leaning his head back. Sebastian was kissing his neck and running his hands up and down his chest under the shirt, trying to take it off.

Ciel shook his head and pulled away to look at him.

"I wanna…keep it on."

He breathed, and Sebastian to turned on to argue nodded and respected what he wanted and continued to suck and nib on the soft skin of his neck. He was moaning lowly and rubbing his exposed member against Sebastian's. It was a rather long time ago they had sex, but he loved it. It felt so perfect somehow. To be so close to the person you love and be held like you were loved.

He felt his warm hands on his waist, he smiled and pulled away so he could kiss him on the lips as he rubbed his entrance against his dick, wanting him inside after all this teasing. Sebastian snapped his hips up to get inside of the younger and growled lowly.

"Sebastian…!"

He cried out and threw his head back and moaned as he felt that he was getting deeper and deeper. He gasped and adjusted to him slowly, getting kisses on his jaw line and soon on his lightly bruised lips. He caressed his cheek and tangled his fingers in his raven black locks and breathed heavy against his lips as they kissed.

Ciel started to move up and down on his shaft, moaning rather loudly. He felt his arms sting a bit and he hissed lightly. Self harming came with so much side effects, if they were deep they could start to bleed when attending a sport, or in this case fucking, you couldn't wear other clothes than long sleeves and maybe wrist warmers if they weren't too far up. Also you couldn't sleep –both kind of sleep- with anyone. He hated all the side effects, fuck them. Was it such a big deal to slice your own skin ? After all it's yours. And let's not forget the worst one, if anyone saw them they would talk to you and they'd cry probably, maybe even send you to one of those places where you get special treatment.

"Does it hurt?"

The older asked and looked worried up at him, slowing down his thrusting and looked at the slightly pained face of his lover.

"N-no..move."

He mumbled and leaned his head against his shoulder so he wouldn't see his face. Soon the thrusts were back to rough and fast and he literally felt how a scar ripped up and he cried out in pain what made Sebastian stop and pull Ciel back to look at him, now with tears falling down his cheeks and shakily breathing as he held his wrist where it had happened.

"Ciel, something is hurting you."

"N-no I'm perfectly fine..:"

He mumbled and felt the older lift his hips so he slipped out and he whimpered. Sebastian looked into his eyes and frowned. Ciel looked away from the intense stare and bit his lip. Was his little secret coming out already?

"Ciel, tell me. I won't do anything until you tell me."

They sat quiet in the car in some minutes, no one saying a word to the other. The younger didn't even look his way, he just wanted to erase this morning and what he had done.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes lightly and grabbed his wrist and the boy hissed in pain. He pulled his sleeve up and looked at the bloodied bandage. He stared at it for some seconds.

Ciel's heart was racing, he couldn't do anything. He couldn't pull his arm back and run, he couldn't speak, not even move. He just stared at his lovers scared and concerned face.

"I'm..I-It's…"

He stuttered and felt tears gather up in his eyes. He's breath hitched as his boyfriend started to remove the dirtied bandage. He looked at his face and started to cry, silently sobbing.

"D-don't…"

Sebastian had removed it from both his arms and he just stared at the scars covering his whole arms. He couldn't breathe, he was to angry at himself for letting the one he was going to protect hurt himself.

"Ciel…why?"

He asked in a sad tone and caressed his arms, hearing the small gasps, probably from pain, so he stopped. He sighed and pulled his pants up before resting his head on his chest.

There was something inside Ciel who was freaking out right now, he had been exposed, his darkest secret shown to the world. How could he act normal around him now? He could barley look at him without sobbing louder.

"Answer please."

He mumbled and gripped his chin and turned his head to look at him. Ciel only shocked on his own sobs and gripped the elders shirt and shook his head. Something would happen, Sebastian would leave him, move back to his own apartment and never look his way again.

"M-my..par..parents…"

He stuttered out and his lower lip quivered as he stopped speak. Well, technically it was Ciel who did this, but his parents triggered him to do it. Sobbing softly he leaned his head against his shoulder and stained his shirt with his hot tears. He felt strong arms wrap around his small figure and hug him tight.

"Love.."

The black haired male murmured into his hair and caressed his back gently. He felt sorry for the younger boy, he had been through a lot and this was actually not so strange for him to have a break down like this. After all, he understand. His childhood hadn't been the best so he was going to try to make his best to help him through this and help him see light in some way. He wanted _his Ciel_ to be happy.

Ciel held a tight grip of his shirt still and he was still sobbing rather much. He pulled away lightly and looked down on Sebastian's now blood and tear stained shirt and wiped his tears away.

"I ruined your shirt…."

"No it's not….It's okay though, I'll be able to fix it."

He smiled and stroked some dark grey hair from his eyes and gave him a faint smile, a sympathetically smile. Ciel tried to smile back but it was only a fast smile before he leaned into the older again.

"Should we drive home?"

He asked and caressed his silky hair with a smile and kissed his head. The younger nodded and crawled of his lap and put his pants back on, and pulling his sleeves down. He curled up in his seat and looked into the small mirror. He wiped the tears away again and rubbed his dull eye and sighed before leaning back in the seat again.

He glanced out the window, it had started to snow again. It was a beautiful view to be honest. The small white flakes tingling down the sky and seating on the ground and formed a thick white cover. He loved the winter for this, the beauty.

Sebastian looked over at him before he started to drive the car. He looked at the watch and it was already around eleven. From now on he couldn't let Ciel be alone really, if this was going to happen again…no, he can't accept the thought if his boyfriend doing that again. Just the thought of that he has already done it and he wasn't there made him feel guilty.

"Never do that again, Ciel. Please."

Ciel stayed silent, he couldn't make that promise, it was too much to live up to in his opinion. He just looked out the window and watched as the light posts passed by, lighting the dark night and making the beautiful falling snow more visible, giving it a golden glow.

Ciel was removing his clothes to go to bed. Now that Sebastian knew about this he didn't have to sleep in a long sleeved shirt. Though, he still felt a bit uncomfortable being exposed like _this._ He laid down in the bed and after some minutes Sebastian entered the room and looked at him, caressing his shoulder before pulling away to remove his clothes as well.

He felt the bed sunk down as the older laid down and he slowly turned around to cuddle into his chest and wrap a arm around his middle.

"Good night.."

He mumbled into the firm chest. Sebastian smiled and leaned his head on his right arm and caressed his hair with his left, watching him fall asleep.

"Sleep well _my Ciel."_

He purred, looking at how he nuzzled him lightly and he closed his eyes. He should probably tell Alois about this. Maybe tomorrow. Their holiday had started so he would probably be asleep for some hours after twelve maybe, and then eating, after that it was getting dry humped by Claude until he couldn't take it. The rest of his day would be cuddling and eating.

And how did Sebastian know this? He used to spend holidays and weekends with Alois a lot when they were a pair. Though they ended up fighting, a bit too much. Yes often the fights would turn into Sebastian pinning him against the wall and kiss him roughly and that turned into angry sex. But once it turned to much, they decided their relationship wasn't very healthy. So they broke up and some years later, two to be exact, he meet Ciel on that party those months ago.

The raven haired man smiled at the thought and gave the boy a last kiss before wrapping both arms around him and trying to get some sleep as well.

Ciel cried out and panted against his chest, tears dripping down his cheeks as he stared at the tired face of his lover as he caressed his chest.

_Damn nightmares._

Ciel trembled lightly and pressed against him. It was about two in the night as Ciel had awoken from his horrid nightmare. Sebastian looked worried at him and sat up in the bed, pulling Ciel with him and caressed his back, rocking him back and forth.

"It's just a nightmare Ciel..It's not real."

He whispered into his ear hoping he listened to his words. He hugged him tight.

"Want to tell me about it?"

Ciel shook his head, the dream was to real. He didn't want to tell him. He just clung to him and took deep shaky breaths. He was lightly digging his nails into the others pale skin and bit his lip. The younger didn't cry, he just looked with big eyes on the wall behind him.

The older sighed and caressed his lower back lightly and kissed his cheek.

"Do you want me to make you some tea, or hot chocolate?"

"Y-yes.."

He mumbled and pulled away lightly to look at him. Sebastian smiled at him and kissed his lips gently.

He let Ciel climb up from the bed fist before he stood up as well and walked into the kitchen and took two mugs out. He opened a counter, they only had tea so that had to be good enough. He put water heater on and walked to get a blanket for Ciel who sat on a chair in the kitchen. He wrapped it around his shoulders and kissed his four head.

"It's alright. It was only a dream Ciel."

He said and caressed his arm and leaned his head against his.


	9. my ending starts

Chapter 9:

A warm hand caressed his cheek and a small blip told him that the thermometer had scanned his body temperature. He opened his mouth and let the older take it out from his mouth as he pulled the sheets further up over his shoulders again. The raven haired man sighed and caressed his four head.

"As I thought you're sick. You have to take it easy from now on."

He mumbled and kissed his temple. Ciel smiled faintly and closed his eyes, he leaned into the soft touches.

There was about two weeks until new year now, and Ciel had gotten more and more distant from his lover. Sebastian was getting a bit worried over him and had tried to talk to Alois a bit but he didn't know why either. A good thing was that his scars were healing and he hadn't added any more. But as the gentle person he was he didn't want to just go straight forward and asked him what was wrong with him.

He sighed and watched as the young boy looked outside the window with empty eyes. He was curled up in two blankets and had a cup of hot tea on the table next to him. He had been sick for two weeks but it had passed now.

Sebastian walked over to him and sat down next to him before he laid down on the sofa and pulled Ciel with him down in a soft embrace. He kissed his head before closing his eyes and caressed his arm.

Ciel closed his eyes as well and leaned into him. He sighed lowly and opened his mouth before closing it again. After a minute he finally spoke.

"There'll be a new year party at a friend of mine. Should we go?"

He asked, not wanting to go himself but he had to distract Sebastian that day. He opened his eyes and looked up at him.

Sebastian looked back at him, his dull eye caught his attention for a minute and shrugged. It had been a while ago science he stopped wearing eye patch.

"We could yes. When?"

"On new year of course silly."

He said and smiled faintly. It was a long time ago he saw him smile, it was such a beautiful one, how his eyes shone when he was happy. He missed that, this was only a hollow smile. To cover up for his real feelings, Sebastian could tell. His eyes didn't spark, neither did he giggle.

"Okay, we should go then."

Ciel nodded and continued to smile. He caressed his side and looked back towards the window. He had it all planned, it felt nice that he got everything in his mind ready. Now he hoped it all would work as he thought it out.

Something in Ciel's stare scared the older a bit and he pulled him closer and snuggled him.

"Are you alright love?"

"I'm fine. Perfectly fine."

The only thing about this was letting Sebastian go, to never see him again. Would he be mad at him? Or maybe just be sad. He hated the thought of hurting his boyfriend, the only thing he loved.

Ciel turned so he was straddling him and kissed his lips softly until he was kissed back and felt fingers tangle in his short hair. He caressed the ravens chest as he let his tongue slip inside his mouth. He felt another hand caress his lower back underneath the two blankets that soon was pushed away so his milky thighs were reviled.

He gasped softly as they were caressed by both hands and slowly moved up under his shirt. Sebastian's hands were a bit cooler than his own skin and sent shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes and slowly rolled his hips against his.

He wanted him. They hadn't done something like this in a bit now, not since he had discovered he was hurting himself.

He tugged in the collar of Sebastian's shirt and kissed his neck down and breathed a bit heavy against his soft skin. His hands traveled up the his underwear and pulled them down. He smiled and kissed his neck before he felt that he was picked up and carried towards the bedroom. He blushed lightly and clung to him until he was laid down on the bed.

He watched as the older removed his pants, underwear and shirt. Leaving him standing naked. Ciel followed him and pulled his shirt of and tossed it to the side and didn't look away from his blood coloured eyes once as the taller figure hovered over him.

Sebastian wrapped a arm around his middle and pulled him up to his chest and kissed his neck before pulling away lightly and caressed his chest and sides. His fingers soon moved up to his ping buds and rubbed them with his fingers for a while, listening to his gasps. His fingers soon pinched and rolled the nipples between his thumb and a finger, and at last tugging in them gently.

The raven leaned down and pressed his tongue against a sensitive spot on his neck before kissing it. Ciel shivered and moaned at the treatment his nipples was getting from his lover. He arched his back up and closed his eyes as the wet kiss was put underneath his ear.

Soon the soft caresses were back and now roaming over his thighs, pulling one up and lightly but still firm grouped his ass. Ciel moaned and pushed his ass into his hand. He felt soft lips against his again and he knew he was kissed. The younger tangled his hands in the black locks and kissed needy back.

Alois hugged his dark haired friend tightly and nuzzled his cheek lightly. It had been a long time ago since they saw each other. Ciel smiled and hugged him back, lightly running his hand up his back.

"I was worried sick Ciel… Don't do that again."

The blonde mumbled against his shoulder and hugged him tighter. It would be a hard thing to separate from Alois too, they had been friends for so long and today that would end.

"I'm sorry I didn't call or anything."

They let go and sat down in the small sofa in the end of the café. Ciel had called him up, if not his plan wouldn't work and he wanted to take a proper good bye from his friend. He smiled at the blonde and sipped from his chai latte.

"You're going to the party right?"

"Yeah, I'm going after this back to the apartment and I'll go there with Sebastian."

"Okay, good."

Alois got the pie he had bought and sliced a piece and put it in his mouth before giving a bite to Ciel. He took it into his mouth and chewed on it. They were chatting a bit and the time was passing by fast. He was going to go soon.

"…I'll be going soon."

He was getting some regrets now, did he really want to do this? Yes he did. He smiled at his friend and hugged him tight. He got his bag and jacket.

"Hey, wanna take a smoke outside?"

He asked and flipped the package out. His friend nodded and took his jacket and followed him out to the front of the shop. He lit one for each and handed Alois one, taking a deep inhale of his own. He let out a small sighed and soon let it out again.

After a while Ciel smiled at the blonde boy.

"Hey, you know that cheering smoke thing… Can we?"

He asked and stepped closer. Alois gave him a shrug and nodded. He took in the smoke and pulled him closer, breathing out inside his mouth. What he didn't expect was that Ciel would kiss him, but he kissed back. Ciel smiled and cupped his cheeks, caressing the left one lightly as he closed his eyes and ran his tongue over his lips and entered his mouth.

He explored the unfamiliar carven and soon pulled away, letting a small string of saliva connect their mouths as he kissed him one more time but fast. He felt that he was close to tears as he looked at his flushed and surprised face.

"Good bye Alois, I love you. Never forget that, and this has nothing to do with you."

He said and walked away, leaving his friend alone on the street. The blonde looked at him as he walked away, a bit stunned over what he did.

When Ciel arrived his house Sebastian had already left, he had begged him to go alone and meet him at the party because he would go there with Alois. So far everything had worked good.

He walked into his room and took some paper and a pen, he sat down and started to write. Slowly he started to think through everything he put on the paper and with a shaky hand wrote the letters that formed his goodbyes.

It didn't take long before Ciel started to cry, it was painful yes, but it was more painful to live like this. He took the paper and folded it in and gave it a small kiss, why, he didn't know. But maybe it'd give it more love when his Sebastian read it.

He opened a box that he had hidden under the bed and opened it, looking at the sharp object in there. He took up the knife and smiled sadly, turning it in his hand as he watched it shine as it hit the light from the lamp. He let out a shaky breath and stood up, walking to his jacket and got the package of cigarettes. He lit one and opened the window, this might get him to relax a bit.

Sebastian's P.O.V

I looked at the big amount of people that was crowding inside the house. It had just passed eleven and he was waiting for a text or something from Ciel to tell him he was there. So right now he was leaning against the wall with a glass of champagne in his hand as he waited.

After some minutes he spotted a familiar blonde and he shot up from the wall and made his way through the crowd to catch him.

"Hey, Alois. Where is Ciel?"

He asked and looked around, not seeing him with his boyfriend he got a bit worried.

"What are you talking about? He came here with you. He left after out little day out."

He blushed lightly at the thought and soon Claude came up to him with a glass and kissed his cheek.

"No..He told me he was going to the party with you and then we would meet here."

They both had their brows furrowed at the situation. I looked at my phone and frowned, he hadn't replied to my text.

"Maybe you should call him… Who knows what he is u- fuck…! Sebastian call him now!"

Something in the blondes tone made my heart race, and not in a good way. As fast as I could I called him but he didn't pick up. Again. Again. Again…. Nothing.

"Shit… I have to find him."

I muttered and put my phone down in my pocket. Alois was shaking lightly and Claude was holding him in a attempt to calm his lover down. He watched as the blonde's eyes filled with tears and he dropped the glass only to hide his face in the elders chest. I only watched.

"I'll call you when I find him Alois."

I smiled faintly before shoving people to the side to come out to my car again and jumped in, turning it on and backed out.

Ciel's P.O.V

My hands were shaking and I pressed the sharp blade further into my abdomen. I gasped in pain as I pulled it out and dropped it to the floor. Soon I followed and trembled from the pain and I started to cry. I held a hand over the wound I had created and in my other hand I held the little note I wrote. My last will.

I felt my body getting weaker at every second and I watched as blood poured out from my abdomen. Suddenly I coughed, a lot. Blood dripped down my chin and small drops flew from my mouth and down on the floor.

I sobbed quietly and cringed into a ball, hissing at the pain.

"S-Se..stian…bast—i..an.."

My voice was cracking as I spoke and I could hear heavy footsteps outside the door in the house. It was him and I knew it, my lover was going to see me like this. I shut my eyes and tried to take proper breaths.

He heard the door unlock it flew up with a bang against the wall. He heard his name be called but it sounded like a blur.

"Seba…Sebast..ian..bast—ian."

He choked out and reached a bloodied hand out for him, opening his tear filled eyes. He heard the footsteps come closer and he smiled sadly up at his lover.

Normal P.O.V

Sebastian pulled the bleeding male into his arms and he felt his hands tremble from the fear of losing him. He couldn't live with that. He bit his lip and pressed Ciel's face lightly against his chest as he felt tears starting to form in his eyes. The warm blood was pouring out on his shirt and staining it red, the same red as his damned eyes. He closed them and hugged the cold body tighter.

"Please Ciel….Please don't leave.."

"nnh..S-sebastiannhh.."

He hissed mid sentence and cringed weakly in his embrace.

"I...m…sorry..l-love you..so..m-much."

He choked out and made the older male break into sobs as he looked at his calm and pale face. Sebastian caressed his cheek and wiped away the dried blood from the corner of his mouth and shook his head.

"….I love you too..So much. Ciel, I-I don't want you to…d-die."

Those words, he had never been afraid of death. But now he was. He could feel the younger's muscles relax and his breaths were slow and short, almost hollow. He knew it was too late to save him, and that was the worst feeling he ever have had in his life so far. Sebastian couldn't protect the dearest thing in his life.

"Lov…love you.. Seba..astian..Se…"

His words faded and his head fell back lightly as his half lidded eyes looked at the ceiling. Everything went black for the older male as he held his former lover.

Sebastian's P.O.V

I cried out as the life was sucked out from my dear Ciel. I let my tears fall down on his face and he soon pulled him closer and ran a hand through his hair and tangled his fingers in the cobalt hair. I gritted his teeth and my shoulders trembled.

"Why!?"

I yelled at the air and heard the faint sound of fireworks outside. People were cheering and singing happily and not knowing what just had happened inside the dead Phantomhive's boy's apartment. With my trembling fingers I pulled out my phone, never letting go Ciel's body. He needed to call the ambulance.

"H-hey… I need to talk to a hospital, doctor anything…"

My sobs were quiet and my eyes closed. What if it all was just a dream and he would wake up next to Ciel again, holding him tight to his chest and caressed his hair, feeling his small warm hands over his chest. I was coupled to the hospital and he sighed as they asked what had happened.

"M-my boyfriend has committed suicide."

I said as firmly without stuttering as I could. It hurt so much. I told them the address and what I thought the suicide weapon was. My vision averted over to the bloodied knife and I turned my phone of as I noticed the small note on in his hand. I took it gently from him and opened it.

'_I'm sorry for this Sebastian. I have been planning this for a while actually, even before the accident. But you have made my life a bit happier and I've grown to love you more and more each day. I just couldn't take it much longer after my birthday. Everything went black for me as my father hit me that day. But whatever will happened, never blame yourself, this is my foolish act and you should not feel guilt from it. My last will is that you go on after this, fall in love again and live a happy life, one you deserve. You are the kindest person I've met and I'm sorry I'm too weak to say my goodbye to you face to face as I did with Alois. I have a wish to make. Can you tell Alois to be happy, to live a life without hurt or pain, only love. He is my only friend and I want him to feel good. Tell him too live every moment. Please. Thank you, Sebastian. I love you.'_

I crushed the note in my hand and held him closer. Why did this happen? I never should have left him alone…

Normal P.O.V

The doctors soon was inside the room and at first they stopped as they looked at the scene. Yes, they were suspicious about him killing Ciel at the first moment, but after talking to him and trying to calm him down they forgot about that and just wanted to take Ciel away from his tight embrace.

After some minutes the black haired male let go. Though he walked to Ciel's room and took one of his shirts and changed the one covered in blood. He was going with them, no argument about it.

Sebastian was sitting in the waiting room, holding the small note in his hand and tears was still falling down his eyes. He had called Alois and he was on his way here with Claude. Something told the raven haired male his former lovers friend had a small idea of that this would happen.

He had been giving a blanket and he had it wrapped around his shoulders as he looked at the floor. He wasn't sure about how he would handle this. He knew Ciel couldn't be saved now, his heart had stopped beating and sending out blood in his body long before the doctors arrived their apartment.

A faded sound of feet running though the corridor made him look up, it had to be the blonde boy. He was right.

Alois stood with shaking legs in the big opening to the waiting room and tears were streaming down his cheeks and they looked at each other. Claude was next to him, holding his hand in a tight grip. He saw Alois tear his hand from Claude's grip and ran up to Sebastian, wrapping his arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.

"W-where is he?"

"In room 666-c."

The blonde went quiet and his stoic boyfriend walked to sit in the sofa next to Sebastian. The raven closed his eyes and tried to relax a bit but oh it was hard.

Alois soon had let go of him and instead sat in Claude's lap, crying into his shoulder instead, he was caressing his back softly and placed small kisses on his head and comforted him. Honestly, it hurt to see them like that. A small piece of Sebastian's heart felt crumbled as he saw the two. He wanted Ciel, to cuddle with him, feeling his soft lips against his, seeing his beautiful smile…..see him.

He clinched his fists and felt the small note in his left palm. Should he give it to Alois so he could read it now or would it be too much for the boy. The raven poked at his shoulder a bit and held the note out. He couldn't read it out loud himself for the blonde.

"Here. Ciel wrote it before he…yeah. He wanted me to tell you what was written but I'm to weak to do it."

Alois looked up from Claude's chest and with a shaky hand took the note and opened it slowly, reading the words that was scribbled on it. Sebastian pulled the blanket tighter around him and watched him read. The younger was slightly trembling and a hand was covering his mouth and new hot tears had found their way down his face.

Sebastian looked away and down at the floor, the scene was a too painful to watch.

"C-can I keep this..?"

He asked and held the note in a tight grip, pressing it to his heart, having his eyes fixed on his boyfriends chest once again.

"Yes…."

Sebastian knew how much Ciel meant to Alois, and the other way around. They wished each other's best and if the small note would bring him some happiness, the feeling of having something that Ciel wrote to him, he wouldn't be in the way. After all, Alois was a rather fragile boy, he knew what had happened to him in the past. He was so easy breakable… He hoped that Claude was really treating him good and made him happy, he really deserved a happy life, a good ending.

His eyes averted up to the clock, he had been sitting there for soon a hour and no one had come out to tell him Ciel's condition. He glanced over at Alois again and the sight made him smile faintly. The blonde had his four head resting against Claude's and his small hands were gripping his shirt as Claude's was still caressing his back and neck. His soft but still firm voice was whispering sweet nothings to the blonde to calm him.

1:37 January the first 2005 Ciel Phantomhive was pronounced dead to the waiting trio in the waiting room. The doctor had let them into the room to see him.

Sebastian had shot up from his seat and dropped the blanket, storming into the room to see him. Now he was sitting on a chair next to the bed and held his cold hand in both his warm ones. Alois hadn't got in the room yet, he wanted to give the older male some time alone.

"Why did it turn out like this Ciel?"

He asked as tears streamed down his face and he gently let go of his hand and started to caress his hair, watching the calm face he had. They had cleaned him and stitched the wound together. Not like it would matter now. He smiled sadly and whipped some tears away.

"I'll miss you a lot you know…. Your way of smiling, blushing when I kiss you…."

His voice cracked and he bit his lip, his voice couldn't hold.

"I-I hope you are happy now Ciel, that you can rest in peace…."

Sebastian leaned down and kissed his four head and looked down at his pale, almost grey face. He didn't care if it in some way was disgusting he just kissed a corpse, it was his Ciel.

No one had called his parents yet so they were unknowing of what had happened to their _oh so precious son_. They made him do this, his own parents made him erase his own existence.

Alois and Claude was in the room now, Sebastian didn't want to leave Ciel alone so he just sat there and held his hand as he heard the sorrow full sobs from the blonde. He closed his eyes and once again hoped he would wake up in their shared bed and nuzzle his soft hair. He gritted his teeth and started to cry again.

It had taken the hospital ten minutes to find the number to the Phantomhive household and they were on their way to the hospital. Sebastian didn't want to see them, he wanted to leave the room as they entered. But at the same time he didn't want to leave his side for a second.

2:14 Rachel and Vincent arrived to the room Ciel was in and Sebastian was still sitting next to him, holding his cold little hand. He wished it was like in movies when the dead would flutter his eyes open and stutter his name before turning his head to him and smile. But this wasn't a movie, that was impossible.

Alois had fallen asleep at two and Claude had picked him up and carried him to the car, taking him home. Sebastian was tired yes, but he wanted as much time he could get with his former lovers dead body before he was buried under the ground.

The door flung open and the raven jumped a bit as a very sad Rachel Phantomhive entered the room and ran up to the bed, taking the other hand and with her free hand caressing his cheek. Vincent was soon after her and looked at Sebastian who was sitting there, it seemed as she hadn't bothered to care about the black haired male next to her dead son.

"Excuse me for being rude but who are you?"

Vincent asked and walked closer to his son. It felt as he didn't care for that Ciel would never come back to them. That the black haired man sitting next to him was more important to know who he was then hold his son. It disgusted him.

"I'm Sebastian Michaelis. I was your sons boyfriend before he passed away…"

Vincent gave him a glare before stroking the grayish hair from Ciel's four head and sighed. Sebastian didn't like that they touched him in that way when they barley cared for him when he lost his right eye sight after the accident. And of course that they didn't support him being gay.

_They don't like me._

Sebastian looked at the faces of his dead boyfriend's parents. Rachel was crying into Ciel's shoulder and Vincent just stood there and looked at him, not showing any emotions at all. He was concerned if he had ever loved his son or not. What if Ciel never got loved as a child… Maybe he didn't want a child.

A thousand questions went through his head, knowing he wouldn't get a answer. He closed his eyes and massaged his palm softly with hit thumbs.

After half a hour a doctor came to talk to them and they left the room, leaving the two alone again. He looked at the still wet spot on his neck and shoulder from his mom's crying. He stood up from his chair and whipped it away with his sleeve and caressed his cheek gently. He leaned his four head against his and sighed.

"I don't want to burry you…"

He mumbled, the thought actually scaring him. He didn't pull away until he felt his pocket vibrate, telling him he had gotten a text. He took his phone out and sat back down.

'_Are you still at the hospital? /Claude'_

It seemed as Claude was borrowing the blondes phone to text him. He sighed and started to reply.

'_Yes I am. Why do you ask?'_

'_You should go home and get some rest. This is already taking a big tool on you. I could come and pick you up then drive you home.'_

'_I don't want to go home or sleep. I want to stay by Ciel's side….'_

'_Sebastian, please. You can go see him tomorrow..?'_

'_Fine. Come now than before I change my mind.'_

'_Good. I'll be of then.'_

Why did he care for me? Not like we have had any real conversation before. Only some small talking from here to there at parties and stuff. He sighed and put his phone down in his pocket again.

"I'm gonna leave you alone here soon love. I hope you don't mind it. But Claude insisted in that I need to sleep…I-I wish you could come with me…."

He mumbled and a few tears made their way down his cheeks.

"Maybe…Maybe you are home when I get there… Sitting in the bed and waiting for me."

He said before kissing his four head and caressed his cheek. He looked back at him as he closed the door slowly and walked down the corridor and out the house to see Claude. He felt his heart rip more and more at every step he took away from the grey haired boys body.


	10. funeral

(AN/ My little guest who wanted to give me a life-size Sebs plushie, I forgive you~ I knew someone would get mad at me for writing that.

woohp whoop little of my story~ Well I get bullied for well, liking anime and dress diffrent so I'm basically no one. I don't have anyone to actually comfort me, hold me and so on. I have few friends yes but I never meet them, when I do it feels amazing to be with people I love. I do have a normal kind of family and my sister and I are close (maybe too close...) but I feel like shit all the time. And maybe why I decided to make Ciel commit suicide is because I can't do it myself so I kill my muses/characters?

and my little wonderful guest, thank you for reading my story and liking it, that goes for all of you that have read it, love you all 3)

Chapter 10:

Sebastian had arrived early to the funeral and he was standing next to the black and golden coffin he was laying in. It matched him, the colours. The boy was wearing black dress pants and a matching blazer, underneath was a white button up shirt and in the breast pocked a blue rose, having the same colour as his eyes. Everything looked so perfect.

His hands were over his abdomen and laced together. Something that caught his attention was the two rings, one that was golden and some kind of sigil etched into it and was on his left middle finger. The other ring was in a sapphire blue, a tint brighter than his eyes , it's metal was in silver and placed on his right thumb.

Sebastian caressed his cheek gently and sighed. This was the last he would see of Ciel Phantomhive.

As other people started to fill the church Sebastian was sitting as close to the coffin as he could, he was saving two seats next to him as well for Alois and Claude who was on the toilet right now. When they came back Alois sat down next to Sebastian and Claude was on his right side.

"Hey."

He said in a low raspy voice and smiled faintly up at Sebastian. The black haired male looked back down at him and flashed him a sad smile.

"Hey.."

The blonde looked bad to be honest. His eyes were lightly coloured red and he had small bags under his eyes and his hair looked less shiny than it usually did. He had obviously been crying a lot since the hospital two weeks ago.

He hugged the younger boy lightly and kissed his head as a 'I'm sorry'. Alois only nodded and looked down on the floor as he twirled the red rose in his hand and Claude wrapped his arms around him. Sebastian looked away from the two and over at the coffin again.

Of course Sebastian had bought flowers for the funeral. He had a rather big bouquet with different blue flowers, it felt like it would fit for him. And to be traditional he had a red rose as well. They had already been singing for him and was outside to watch him get buried under the cold frozen ground.

The red rose was placed on the coffin as they carried it out. When Sebastian watched his love of life be sunk down in a hole he started to cry again. He had been crying inside the church as well, and mostly looking at the coffin as the others sang for him. Now. Now he was sobbing quietly and tightened his grip around the bouquet and the small silvery pocket watch that had been Ciel's.

Some people left as they started to fill in the hole with the dirt. Sebastian just stood there and almost had the reflex to dive down in that hole and help him out from there. Alois and Claude was still there too, but Alois was hidden inside of Claude's jacket as he saw his shoulders tremble and heard the muffled sobbing.

He looked back at the grave as it was fully filled and the workers walked away. Ciel's parents were the first to lay flowers on his grave before Vincent led his crying wife to the car. Next was a women almost only in red and lad flowers of the same colour on the grave and then lit a candle before she left as well. Now it only was the three left.

Sebastian leaned down and sat on his knees in front of the grave as he placed the flowers gently on there and looked at the grave stone. It had the same mix of black and gold as the coffin. He bit his lip and more tears fell down his cheeks at the thought of never see him again. It was true now, he couldn't dig him up.

"I love you Ciel."

He mumbled and looked down. The blonde boy had dared to walk up to the grave and laid his red rose on there before he sat down next to Sebastian and took his hand.

His hand was cold and his sleeve scooted up a bit and Sebastian looked down to see red scars on the boys wrist and he sighed. If this happened to Alois too he wouldn't be able to wake up without his whole being hurting. Claude had walked over to a bench to give them their time to take far well together.

"You shouldn't do that…"

Alois looked up at him with a confused look, tears falling down his cheeks and as he followed the ravens eyes down to his wrist he pulled the sleeve down again and bit his lip as he let go of his hand.

"Does Claude know?"

"No…"

"Please tell him. I don't want this to happen to you too. Like Ciel said, you deserve a good and long life with someone you love and that loves you back with the same passion. Probably it will be Claude. You deserve better…."

Alois started to sob loudly and leaned into his chest and Sebastian wrapped his arms around him and caressed his hair to calm him. He looked over at Claude as a sign for him to come back now. The man stood up and walked towards them and Sebastian pulled Alois back on his feet and as fast as Claude was close to the blonde, Alois wrapped his arms tightly around his middle and sobbed into his torso.

"Please take good care of him. He is easy breakable…"

He mumbled and looked at Claude as he spoke.

"And take my advice to hold a eye on him."

Claude nodded and caressed the soft hair and slowly walked away and towards his car. And Sebastian was left alone.

He stayed there just staring at the words Ciel Phantomhive and felt the cold air against his exposed skin. He decided to go home now, home to Ciel's apartment. After all he had sold his a while ago and was sharing with Ciel, but now he was alone in there and everything remembered him of the young boy. The smell of him was still etched into the walls and furniture. To be honest he usually had one of Ciel's shirt tight in a grip of it as he slept. But it wasn't the same.

He missed waking up to caressing his soft skin and hair, kissing him softly and get a tired smile in return and those blue eyes on him. He had experienced five break downs during these two weeks in the morning after waking up and realize that everything in his dream about Ciel was not real and he couldn't hold him ever again like in his dreams.

End.


End file.
